Naruto: What You Didn't See
by FantasyFreak03
Summary: Warning: The story is very random, contains rabid fangirls, and stupidity. It's about what the Naruto characters do off screen. Don't worry...the story gets better as it goes on! Romance comes later on in the story. Please review!
1. True Life of an Uchiha

**FantasyFreak03:** Muahahahaha. Sasuke Uchiha vs. Itachi Uchiha. Who will win? NO BODY KNOWS! Well except me.

Sasuke threw a punch at Itachi. "Itachi! You are about to die!" Sasuke let out an evil laugh. "MUAHAHAHAHAA!!!!" Sasuke was laughing so hard he was rolling on the ground.

Itachi just starred at Sasuke as he rolled on the ground. He was really freaked out and started twitching. "Sas-uke. What…are…you…do-ing?" he said between twitches.

"I'm laughing because I'm going to kill you! AND I stole Neji's pudding while he wasn't looking! AHAHAHAHH!!!!" Sasuke screamed insanely.

"Wow… and I thought I was evil! Sasuke that's really mean!"

"Says the boy who killed his entire clan!"

"Touché my friend!" Said Itachi. "I'm sorry I burning your teddy bear." Itachi said quietly with his head facing down.

"Now I am going to kill- wait what? What did you say?"

"I'm sorry!" screamed Itachi. "I burned! Your teddy bear!"

"You-you really mean that?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes. I decided to ruin the story plot line." Said Itachi with a laugh.

"Ok….it's time for me to apologize for what I've done." Said Itachi. "I'm sorry I slapped your girlfriend across the face, burned your teddy bear, but syrup on your pillow, beat you up, killed the clan… the list goes on."

"I'm sorry I spilled ketchup on your pillow, shaved loser in your hair, punched your best friend, stole your ipod, put piranhas in the pool while you were swimming, ate the last cookie….that list goes on too." Said Sasuke with a big boo hoo frown on his face.

"It's ok-wait a minute….. YOU ate the last cookie!?!?" said Itachi. "I thought Richie ate it. That's why I killed him. RICHIE!!!!!"

"I was going to eat the cookie, than I threw it at his face, but I decided I wanted to eat it so I picked it off of his face and ate it." Said Sasuke.

All of a sudden, Neji came.

"Give! Pudding! Back!" Neji screamed in Sasuke's face.

"Why should I? It's not like you have any friends to back you up or anything!" said Sasuke.

"Oh contraire." Said Neji. Neji snapped his fingers and behind him…. Was salt! "Salt will take care of you. You are part snail after all."

"I am not part snail!!" screamed Sasuke. "What could salt possibly do to me?!"

Neji threw salt into Sasuke's eyes. While Sasuke was blinded, Neji stole Pudding out of Sasuke's pocket…. He also found some stuff that might come in handy, so he took it. When he was done, he ran away like the little wimp he is.

"What did he take?" asked Itachi.

Sasuke checked his pocket. "He took my cookie!"


	2. Sasuke's Secret

**FantasyFreak03:** What does Sasuke do when the show is focused on somebody else? What does he really do? All of these questions will be answered.

One day, Sasuke started to walk away from his group, when Neji saw him.

"Where are you going Sasuke?" asked Neji with his little stupid Neji look on his face.

"I'm uh… going to uh… a bean factory?" said Sasuke.

I know… stupid answer. But Neji is so stupid; you couldn't expect him to suspect anything. I guess Sasuke realized how stupid Neji really was.

"Oh ok!" said Neji. "Don't eat too many. I did and I got some REALLY bad gas."

"Wait…. Don't you mean you HAD some really bad gas?" said Sasuke.

"Nope!"

Sasuke began to run. All though, he did not know that behind him was Sakura, wondering why he left the group. If you are wondering, when all of this was happening, Naruto and Neji were fighting over pudding and salt. But that's another story

Sakura was watching as Sasuke pressed a button on his big ass neck band. The neck band covered his whole entire face. 'So that's why he wears that all the time!' Sakura thought.

Sasuke rushed into a building. Sakura didn't even bother to look at the sign she passed and walked right on in. She saw Sasuke run into the bathroom.

"Eww…." She said to herself as she saw Sasuke run into the bathroom.

"Uhm… H-hi S-s-sakura-chan." said a timid voice.

Sakura looked behind her…. There was Hinata wearing a tutu. 'Eww….' thought Sakura. "Ugh… Hey Hinata." She said with a sigh.

"W-w-what are you d-d-doing h-here? Are you here to see the b-b-ballet t-teacher? He's s-s-so good" said Hinata in a happy voice. "I'm t-taking these l-lessons so I can impress N-n-n-n-Naruto-kun" Hinata said, with a deep red blush on her face.

"I'm taking these lessons so I can impress Itachi!" Said a voice.

Sakura looked behind her. There was a ghost! She screamed "Who the hell are you!"

"Me? Well I'm the ghost of Richie. Itachi killed me many years ago… but I forgive him. Does this tutu make me look fat?"

"Umm…" Sakura couldn't say anything. She didn't want to insult him… and if she said no he would know she was lying….. He did look fat in that tutu. So Sakura just ran away.

Out of the bathroom came Sasuke Uchiha…… in a ballerina tutu! "Okay class let's begi- Sakura! What are you doing here!" yelled Sasuke.

"I could be asking you the same thing!" said Sakura. "Sasuke-kun…you take ballet?"

"No… I don't take ballet…I teach it. It's easy. I even met up with Itachi's," Suddenly Sasuke fell to the floor and started to foam at the mouth. He twitched the same place for a few minutes, but got back up again. "Sorry, I do that whenever I say him name… Anyway, his friend's ghost. He's really improving too."

Sakura watched as Richie jumped up in the air and fell back down. 'Yeah… _really_ improved, eh? I would hate to see him before.' She thought.

"Anyway… I got to get back to work. These people can't learn dance by themselves!" said Sasuke.

"Lesson be learned people." Said Sakura. "Never steal Itachi's cookie. Or you'll end up like Richie."

"Shut up…." Said Richie.

"Itachi-kuuuuuun!" a random rabid fangirl named Liz who is the author's best friend, screamed in the back round.

"Damn fangirls!" everyone shouted.


	3. Flashback Richie and Itachi

**FantasyFreak03: **The friend that Itachi killed was actually named Shisui... But my friend Liz and I made it Richie.

"What's up compadre?!" said Itachi to Richie in a friendly voice.

"Nothing much brother from another mother!" said Richie with a big grin on his face. "We still watching that movie at your place?"

"Yea it's going to be awesome." Said Itachi. "I'm locking Sasuke in his room so he won't annoy us."

**You people know… it's what big brothers do!**

Itachi and Richie sat on the couch. "Crap." Said Itachi. "I can't find the remote!" Itachi ran all around the house. This took about an hour. "Where is that fricken remote!? Richie check under the couch."

Richie looked under the couch and nothing was there. "I think Sasuke might have it in his room." Said Richie.

"Why would you say that?"

"He came down here and said 'I'm taking the remote to my room.'"

"I have an idea!" said Itachi.

"What is it?"

"How about we press the button!" said Itachi.

"We could have done that an hour ago but ok." 3 minutes into the movie, the silence between them was broken when Richie said, "I have a strange feeling for a cookie."

"In the kitchen" said Itachi.

Richie went into the kitchen and saw Sasuke standing on a chair reaching up on top of the refrigerator to get a cookie. "Sasuke? I thought you were in your room!"

Sasuke gasped and threw the cookie at Richie's face. "Oh god!" yelled Sasuke as he yelled as he jumped off of the chair and ran to the academy.

"Richie what's taking so lo-….. is that the last cookie?" said Itachi as he walked into the room.

"Umm…" Richie looked into the cookie jar. "Yes."

Itachi's face turned red. "You ate…. the yelled Itachi. Without giving Richie time to answer, he threw him into a pool. "Ha Ha Ha you can't swim!" Itachi teased as he watched his friend drown.

"I'm going to practice my jutus on the town." Said Itachi. Itachu skipped down the sidewalk humming a tune. He came up to his parents and said. "Look what I can do! Mangekyo Sharingan!"

You know the drill… 72 hours of torture. Poor Itachi's parents were dead.

Itachi pretty much did that to every one in the clan. But to some special people, he stabbed them, threw shuriken at people, and even did Amaterasu.

When he left, he took one last dramatic look at his dead clan and said, "Heh…oops!"

"Itachi-kuuun!" guess who said that? The random fangirl! Damn fangirls!


	4. Naruto's Piercing

**FantasyFreak03:** This is the strangest one I have made so far. Just a warning.

Ino was starring at Sasuke. "He's sooooo dreamy!" she said in a lovey dovey voice.

"Oh come on!" said Naruto. "You and Sakura-chan think he is so cool! What does he have that I don't?!

"He was a cobleinhre." She murmured.

"A what?"

"A cool piercing!" said Ino.

"What's so cool about a piercing?" exclaimed Naruto. "I could get a piercing if I wanted to! Matter of fact, I'll get one right now and show you all!"

Ino had no idea Naruto left because she was too zoned out into Sasuke. "But you know what the coolest piercing? A tongue piercing! Like Sasuke-kuns!" Ino said. She looked back for Naruto. "Hey! Where did he go?"

It was too late. Naruto was gone.

Naruto went into the mall. "Ok so where can I get my ear pierced?" she said to himself.

"H-hi N-n-Naruto-kun." Mumbled a small timid voice.

"Oh, hey Hinata!" said Naruto.

"W-w-what brings you t-t-to the m-mall?" questioned Hinata.

"I'm going to get my ear pierced like Sasuke!" said Naruto as he ran away.

Naruto ran away too quickly for Hinata to say, "N-n-Naruto-kun, h-he doesn't have a-an ear piercing, h-h-he has a t-t-tongue p-piecing!"

Naruto walked into an earring store. "Hello sir! How may I help you today?" asked the cashier.

"I want my ears pierced." Naruto said. "Believe it!"

"I believe it." The cashier said. "Which ear?"

"I guess this one." Naruto said, pointing to his right ear.

After all the pain and screaming, Naruto went back to Ino and Sakura. "Hey girls" he said in a flirting manner. "Do you like my new earring?"

Ino and Sakura laughed hysterically. "Nice unicorn and rainbow earring!" they shouted.

"Oh, you like it? I picked it out myself! But I look cool like Sasuke, right?"

"Sasuke-kun has a tongue piercing!" they said.

"Are you kidding me!?" yelled Naruto. "So I got this unicorn, rainbow earring for nothing!?"

"Hey girls" said Sasuke as he walked toward Naruto, Ino, and Sakura. "What's u- Whoa,

Naruto! What's with the earring?"

"Do you like it?" asked Naruto with a smile.

"You told him that he's going to get beaten up so badly from that unicorn rainbow earring, right?"

"Why bother? It's kind of fun to watch, actually."

"But I got an earring like you Sasuke!" yelled Naruto. "So that makes me as cool as you! Which I think is pretty un-cool but nobody else does!"

"Oh please…" said Sasuke. Sasuke stuck out his tongue. "I have a tongue piercing." He said. Even though you can barley understand him, Naruto made out with the words ok.

"What!?! Why didn't anyone tell me this!"

"Because it's funny." Sakura said.

"It's entertaining." Ino said.

"Because I'm bored." Said the author.

"Partially because I wasn't there at the time." Sasuke said.

"B-b-because you w-wouldn't listen?" Hinata mumbled.

"…So what am I supposed to do with this earring?" Naruto asked.

"…Oh, just leave it in! It makes you look tough. No one will even think about beating you up!" Sakura said.

"Hurray!" Naruto exclaimed.


	5. Neji in Therapy

**FantasyFreak03: **Neji is back… and he's more stupid than ever!

One day, Neji was running into a wall because he thought he was a ghost. Hinata watched him for her enjoyment.

Once Neji got knocked out, she said "N-Neji-nii-san I remember when y-you used to be the s-smartest one in the clan! Now y-you just r-ruined everything! You are g-going to therapy!"

Unfortunately, Neji was forced by Hinata to go to therapy. Poor Neji…. Even though he needed it!

Neji's therapist was the person with the most problems in the show… Sasuke Uchiha!

In the waiting room, Neji was running into the wall again.

"Umm… excuse me?" said the secretary.

"Yes Mrs. Lady Man?" said Neji.

"Please stop running into the wall!" she yelled. "You're damaging…" she got cut off.

"My brain?" asked Neji.

"No, you are damaging the wall! You're chipping the paint! Cut it out!" she exclaimed. After that she said quietly to herself, "You _are_ damaging your brain…but I don't care about that."

"Uhh… Hyuuga Neji?" called Sasuke.

"Coming!" sang Neji as loud as he could. Imagine how Hinata feels…having a cousin that runs into walls and sings in public.

"Have a seat Neji." Said Sasuke. Sasuke was wearing a fake beard, a suit, and sitting in one of those big ass chairs.

"Mr. Achihu?" Neji pronounced Sasuke's last name wrong….Stupid Neji again! "Why are you wearing a fake beard? And where the hell is your big ass neckband! Anyway…. Why am I here?"

"Your cousin tells me that you have a problem…."

"I don't have a problem! I'm perfectly normal." yelled Neji. He began to walk out and tripped over a speck of dust.

Sasuke wrote down on his paper 'Coordination- None.' "So….." Sasuke began. "How did you do on your exam this week?"

"Well…. I would have gotten the usual -12. But pudding tutored me so I got a 50 instead."

(Author's Note: Pudding is an inside joke I made up where a bowl of pudding is Neji's only friend… Liz and I love torturing the poor soul)

"You got tutored?" asked Sasuke.

"Yep!"

"From pudding?"

"He is a lot smarter than people think!" said Neji happily.

"Ok…" Sasuke wrote down on his paper, 'Deranged'

"So I understand you have a habit…. Of running into walls?" asked Sasuke.

"I don't run into walls. I run _through_ them" explained Neji.

"Into"

"Through"

"Into."

"Through!" screamed Neji.

"That's enough!" yelled Sasuke. Sasuke took a deep sigh and than said "Let's bring your cousin here."

Hinata walked into the room. She sat as far away from Neji as possible. "I don't know how he b-became stupid… but I know he w-wasn't born with it. He went over his friend's house and came back an m-moron. What was your friend's name again?"

"Chicken fajita!" screamed Neji.

"No!" said Sasuke. "Your friend's name!"

"I'll take a number 2 with a number 3 and a number 4!"

"No Neji-nii-san!" said Hinata. "We aren't ordering at McDonalds!"

"Wow you guys have some really bad service here! Where is my Happy Meal!" screamed Neji.

"Hallucinations… Check" Said Sasuke, scribbling it down onto his piece of paper.

"Neji-nii-san… w-we aren't at McDonalds!" Hinata kept trying to make Neji realize that. It wasn't working….

"Than how do you explain my little toy?" asked Neji as he picked up a lamp.

"That's my lamp! Give it back!" yelled Sasuke.

"Never!" Neji jumped out the window and jumped into a river. "It's cold!" He screamed girlishly.

"Do you think we can catch him?" asked Sasuke.

"No…" said Hinata sadly. Hinata face was brightened up with sparkly eyes when she said, "I bet N-n-n-Naruto-kun could c-catch him." But Sasuke looked out the window… Naruto was hiding in a tree….

"NaruSaku forever!" screamed the random fangirl named Liz as she swung in on a rope and slapped Hinata across the face. I really have to stop with the fangirls… But they're entertaining.


	6. Tenten Troubles

**FantasyFreak03: **We love the Neji Tenten thing. Time to mess with it!

Tenten was writing a Valentine to Neji. Yea that's right… it's a Valentine's Day chapter even though we missed Valentines Day by 3 months… Oh well… Tenten's Valentine said:

Dear Neji,

You are totally awesome! Will you be mine?

Love, Tenten

I know what you are all thinking. Aww… how sweet! But here is where the twist comes in. Neji was writing a Valentine to pudding! It said……

Dear Pudding,

(He drew a picture of a bumble be here)

MINE!

Love, Hyuuga Boy 101

Don't ask why…. I have no idea why Neji put 101. That's how many toes he told me he had. Anyway, Tenten was staring at Neji with those little anime hearts over her head. Neji was staring at pudding. No hearts, but bowls of pudding. Pudding just sat there… like pudding does.

Tenten went up to Neji. "H-hey Neji!" she said nervously. "Here is a Va-valentine." She handed the red heart shaped piece of paper to Neji. Neji took a step back. "Y-you don't want it?" she asked.

"I _would_ take it," Said Neji with his a stupid look planted on his face. "But I…."

"Yes?" questioned Tenten anxiously.

"I…"

"Spit it out!" yelled Tenten impatiently.

"I can't read!" cried Neji. "I never could and I never will!"

"Wait… You're a freaking genius… How can you not read?" Tenten asked.

"Blame Hinata! I could never get it because she said that numbers were the alphabet! 

"A moment of your time please…" Tenten said politely, but she stomped over to Hinata. She was making a valentine for Naruto, who was making a valentine for Sakura, who was making a valentine to Sasuke, who was making a death threat to Itachi.

"Hinata!" yelled Tenten. "You tricked Neji into reading numbers as letters?!"

"Y-yeah," Said Hinata in her usual timid voice. Don't be fooled guys, she's a killer. "It was very e-easy too. All I had to d-do was to write a letter and s-s-say it as a number."

"Heh… Nice… I mean nice plan but now Neji is scarred for life! He can't read my Valentine!"

"Y-you wrote a Valentine to Neji-nii-san? You of all people?" said Hinata wide eyed with shock. "There are plenty of other guys out there. Like Naruto." Hinata started to blush. "A-and Rock Lee (Tenten made a face at the thought of being with Lee), Shino, Kiba, and a whole bunch of other guys." 

"Even so, I like Neji. Neji is so stupid, if I ever say anything mean to him, he won't get mad." Tenten's face started to turn a light shade of pink. "And I love it when he yells chicken fajita."

"Fine… I'll h-help you." said Hinata. The two girls walked slowly over to Neji. "All right Neji-nii-san! Are you ready to rock!" yelled Hinata with the peace sign held up in he hands. "Oh… sorry… wrong show."

Oh I forgot to tell you! Hinata has a secret…she's Hannah Montana! But yet again, that's another story.

Hinata opened Tenten's card. She cleared her throat and then said, "Dear Neji, you are totally awesome. Will you be mine? Love, Tenten." Tenten just watched, her face turning from light pink to a red blush.

"I'm sorry Tenten." Said Neji. "But I love pudding!", _Mmmm… Pudding_ Neji thought.

Don't worry Tenten, It's just a phase… I hope.


	7. When Fangirls Attack

**FantasyFreak03: **I feel so bad for Itachi. He has to deal with all of these fangirls. Well now we will expose what the fangirls do to him once he gets caught!

Itachi was tied up to a chair with chains. "Itachi-kun! Itachi-kun!" the fangirls chanted as they skipped around the chair that Itachi was tied to.

Ok… let's back up a bit. To when he got caught is far enough.

Itachi was skipping in the road humming a tune. Almost every person that walked by him, he slaughtered because well….. That's how he does things around here.

Anyway, a huge mob of fangirls formed at the end of the road. "Itachi-kuuuuun!" they all screamed at the same time. "We love you!!!"

"Not again…" Itachi sighed as he began to run away.

Just imagine this…. Uchiha Itachi, the murderer of the Uchiha clan, running away from a mob of fan girls in his Akatsuki cloak without that big ass hat on.

"Hey girls!" said a preppy voice. The girls looked behind the mob to see Richie, still in his ballet tutu.

"What?" asked Richie. The girls still starred at him wide eyed. Richie looked down at his tutu. "Oh you're staring at this? Oh how embarrassing! I forgot to take it off at the end of ballet lessons!" Richie said.

He ripped off his pink ballet tutu to reveal Hello Kitty boxers.

"That's just freaking gross." One of the girls said.

Richie started to cry. "You're so cruel! But are you chasing after Itachi? Let me join you! I'm like his number one fan!"

The girls gave Richie death glares.

"That was unwise" Itachi said.

One of the fangirls took a vacuum and sucked up Richie.

"Problem solved!" she said.

The girls quickly picked up Itachi and dashed to the nearest location… which just _happened_ to be a beauty store! (Sorry Itachi, it has to be done!)

The girls tied Itachi to one of the chairs. "Uh-" Itachi was about to say something, but got cut off.

"Oh my god!" squealed one of the fangirls with joy. "He said 'Uh'!" the rabid fangirl almost fainted.

"What are you going to do to me?" asked Itachi with sparkly eyes. (I see Itachi is pulling the innocent act.)

"He's so adorable!" A fangirl squealed. Yeah… she fainted shortly.

"We're not going to do anything! We are just going to put some lip gloss, nail polish, blush, eye shadow, and much more on you! But only because we love you! When we are done, we are playing truth or dare!" said the fangirl, whose face was gradually turning a deep red.

"There's a slight problem with that… I'm already wearing nail polish." Itachi said.

The fangirl took out some nail polish remover.

"Damn it." Itachi grumbled.

Keep working on that innocent act, Itachi! You only got one.

The girls started to put some dark red nail polish on his finger nails. The famous fangirl, Liz played with his hair. The hair is where it got messy.

"Hey!" yelled Itachi. "Don't touch the hair!" Itachi was twitching and spazzing out.

"Stop spazzing! You're making me screw up!" screamed Liz. Itachi's wavy black hair turned into an enormous rainbow afro with several multi-colored bows. Right there he started twitching again.

"I only intended to put your hair up in a bow instead, but you just _had_ to mess it up." She decided that he looked horrible with the rainbow fro, so they made it look like normal, with the occasional pink bow.

"Dressing Itachi-kun like a girl is a lot more boring then I thought it would be." said a lazy fangirl who did nothing but hold the nail polish bottle. "I mean, it's not like we are doing anything huge to him to emotionally scar him for life. He probably gets this done to him every day!"

"You're right." Said the fangirl who fainted, but now (unfortunate for Itachi), she's awake. "This _is_ pretty boring."

"It got boring after the first 10 minutes" Liz said.

"Let's kiss him!" One of the rabids screamed with joy.

All of the girls leaned in to kiss Itachi's pretty pretty princess face. Itachi took his kunai and cut through the chain as fast as he could. Don't ask how he cut through chain with a kunai, I can't figure it out either! And also, why he didn't just use Amaterasu, don't ask me.

Liz noticed the Itachi forgot his Akatsuki cloak on the floor.

"I'm adding this to my Itachi shrine!" she squealed, then fainted.

Anyway, back to the story! Itachi ran out of there and jumped into a prickly bush. As painful as it was, Itachi had to stay in there for a couple of minuets to hide from the fan girls.

When he was out of the bush, he bumped into Hinata, but kept on running.

"You're next." Said a group of fanboys to Hinata from behind a bush.


	8. Sasuke's Schoolday

**FantasyFreak03:** I've made some weird stories so far… but this one is really weird!

"Sasuke." Naruto whispered into Sasuke's ear. It's a school day. No one likes school! "Wake up you frickin' emo! It's time for school!" Naruto yelled.

"Give me the potato chips." Sasuke moaned in his sleep. "Fligginnarg. Cucumber's are my friends. Who's that pokemon? George Washington? Fruit salad, yummy yummy, Fruit salad, yummy yummy… Oh no you got the magic pickle! Stop slapping me in the face Bob! I thought what we had was… special."

"Sasuke-teme!" screamed Naruto into Sasuke's ear.

"Itachi! Richie stole the last cookie! I swear!" Sasuke screamed as he woke up.

"It's time for school! You're going to be late!"

"Oh joy, oh rapture!" Sasuke said sarcastically. "I don't want to go to school! I'll get beat up by," Sasuke took a big gulp. "Him."

"Him? Who are you talking about?"

"He's the meanest, toughest kid in school! He'll steal my lunch or force feed me a snail, I know it!" cried Sasuke.

"Calm down!" Naruto screamed as he slapped Sasuke across the face.

"Why is every one slapping me lately?" said Sasuke with his eyes full of tears while digging his face into the pillow.

"Kakashi-sensei!" called Naruto. Kakashi ran up the stairs.

"What did I miss? Are my soap operas on?" asked Kakashi almost out of breath from running up the swirled stairs into Sasuke's emo lair.

"I can't get Sasuke out of bed! I need you to help." Naruto whispered into Kakashi's ear.

"Don't worry. I know just the thing." said Kakashi, winking his one visible eye. Kakashi ran down the stairs.

'I wonder what he's doing….' thought Naruto.

"Oh no!" said Kakashi in a really bad acting voice. "I've seemed to have dropped these _incredibly_ sharp emo razors on to the table."

Sasuke lifted his head quickly.

"I need to clean them up!" continued Kakashi. "But I may cut myself! I guess I will have to find some one else to do this."

Sasuke ran so fast down the stairs that he fell on the 5th step. "Did you say you have trouble putting emo razors away?" asked Sasuke while wiping his tears.

"Oh yes…." Kakashi said with an evil grin across his face.

"What kind?"

"The Emo Razor 5000…?"

"Oh, those are the one's I've always wanted!" cried Sasuke. "It's an interesting proposition… What's the catch?"

"You must go to school!" Kakashi took a potato sack and flung it over Sasuke.

"Hey!" screamed Sasuke from inside to potato sack. "You tricked me! Now I'm going to get beat up by the most vicious kid in school!"

"We're going to take that chance." Said Naruto as he skipped down the stairs like little Naruto's do.

Sasuke's emo claws ripped out of the bag. "I'm NOT going to school!"

Too bad Sasuke… You had to go to school! It's against the law _not_ to! Or maybe to not to go? Or to go not to school? To not… not… I give up! splodes

Sasuke walked nervously to the front entrance. His legs were shaking like mad. Just to let you know…. They had to wear uniforms! So Sasuke was walking in his shirt and tie. His little clog-like shoes clacking against the ground. And his tight pants cutting off his blood circulation. He liked the pants.

Sakura walked up to them. She had her pink hair in pig-tails. "Hey Sasuke-kun." she said in a flirting manor while twirling one pig-tail.

Sasuke just stared at her blankly.

"Naruto…is there something wrong with him?" asked Sakura.

"Yes…many, many things… But today his problem is that he's afraid that some one is going to beat him up."

"There he is!" said Sasuke pointing at a tree.

"Sasuke-kun… that's a tree." said Sakura, quite confused.

"No, _behind_ the tree!"

Sakura and Naruto slowly and carefully walked behind the tree. Well…. Only Sakura because a branch fell on Naruto's head and knocked him unconscious.

Behind the tree… was Neji playing with Barbie Dolls.

"Like Amber, like are you totally going out with Joey?"

"Like TOTALLY!" Neji said in fake girl voices. That's when he noticed Sakura, looking at him in shock that the coolest guy in school was playing with Barbie Dolls.

"Ah! What are you doing here?" screamed Neji as he began to helplessly climb up the trunk of the tree.

Sakura looked around the tree. "Sasuke-kun! It's only Neji-san!" she called.

"Ah! Neji!" screamed Sasuke as he ran into a brick wall.

"What's wrong with Sasuke?" asked Neji. An evil smirk spread across his face. "He's jealous that I got Barbie's deluxe dream house and Beach Time Barbies, isn't he?"

"No!" shouted Sakura. "He's afraid that you are going to beat him up."

"Why would I beat him u- Oh I remember now!" said Neji with his stupid Neji look. We all love your stupid look Neji… Especially Tenten… Right now she's on a branch above Neji. "Pudding said that he was going to hurt him because Sasuke killed his pet snail!"

"Pudding has a pet snail?" asked Sakura. By the look on her face you could tell she was weirded out.

Neji began to cry. "He even taught him to jump through a hoop! But now he's gone. Sheldon!"

Sheldon was the name of Pudding's snail….poor Sheldon.

"But," Continued Neji. "Pudding decided not to beat Sasuke up. He doesn't know if Sasuke is allergic to chocolate or not."

"What does that have to do with any- Oh never mind!" said Sakura, completely stressed out.

This day ends with a happy ending. Sasuke is knocked unconscious for the rest of the day, so girls put make-up on him, same thing for Naruto. Neji played with his Barbie Dolls during class and got a detention, and Sakura watched them all and said "Screw you guys, I'm going home!"


	9. Naruto's Uber Fun Sleepover

**Luminous Butterflygirl: **A response to your question on how many chapters there will be: A lot. If I eventually get bored, then the editor and my best friend, Liz (Yes, the crazy, rabid fangirl) will most likely write chapters instead. Oh hell no Fan Fiction, we're not done messing with you yet.

**To All of the Reviewers:** Thank you so much for your reviews and confidence!

Naruto was handing out little pink envelopes at school. With his ultra hyper look on his face, he said "One for you, one for you, oh not for you you're not important enough!"

"Naruto, what are you doing?" asked a stupid voice. Yeah….you can just guess who it is.

"Hey Neji! You are invited to my slumber party!"

"Is pudding invited?" asked Neji seriously. Wow…Neji being serious. Rare!

"Yes."

"I'm in!" yelled Neji with joy.

_Later at the slumber party..._

"This is boring!" yelled Kiba.

"Not for long…." Said Naruto.

"I have just the thing!" said Neji. Neji balled his hands into a fist and took his fist and whacked it against Naruto's head, knocking him unconscious.

Tenten stared at him with lovey dovey eyes. "Oh Neji! You're more cool now than you ever were before!" she squealed.

"What are we supposed to do now that you knocked out the host?" asked Sasuke while hugging his pink Care Bear pillow.

"Throw him in the river?" said Sakura.

"Make him eat Akumaru's crap!" yelled Kiba.

"Tie him to a chair and give him a make over!" shouted Ino.

"Trust me… That's pure torture. Why don't you just put him in a dress?"

Every one's expression: O.O They looked around to find…

"_Itachi?!_ They all screamed, with the exception of Sasuke He was too busy foaming at the mouth and twitching on the floor.

"Does he do that _every_ time my name is said?"

"Unfortunately… Yeah, pretty much." Everyone said.

"Why are you here anyway?" Sakura asked.

"The editor decided I make things sexier." said Itachi.

"Oh…" Sakura said.

"I have an idea!" yelled Sasuke. "How about we put him in a dress, make him eat Akumaru's crap, then through him in the river! I'm still going to kill you though."

"I'd like to see you try." Itachi said.

"Oh yeah!?" Shouted Sasuke.

"Umm… Yeah pretty much."

"Ooh, a family fight." Ino said.

"How troublesome…" said Shikamaru.

"How youthful!" said Lee.

"How about you all shut up?" Sakura said with an urge to continue.

"Well, Sasuke's idea is good enough for me." Said Neji with his arms crossed. _'I was just thinking that we could put his hand in warm water.'_

"First before we do this, how about a youthful game of truth or dare?" asked Lee.

"Ok! Truth or dare, Hinata!" asked Sakura.

"U-um… T-truth."

"Who do you _really _like?" she asked curiously.

"Umm… ummm… ummm….ummm…" 

"Spit it out already!" they all yelled at the same time.

"Orochimaru!" she screamed with hearts in her eyes and a deep red blush spread across her face.

"That's just disturbing…" said Sakura in disgust. "Orochimaru is the new Michael Jackson! He takes interest in little boys… Wink wink….Sasuke-kun."

Everyone stared at Sasuke, who was eating his sock. With a mouthful of sock, he asked "What?"

"You know that's Naruto's dirty gym sock… oh never mind…"

"Neji-nii-san! T-t-truth or dare?" asked Hinata.

"Truth. Truth is safer…" whispered Neji while shivering.

"What do you do when no one is looking?"

"Oh come on!" yelled Neji. "That's unfair!"

"Tell us!" they all yelled.

"Ok…. I like to eat caterpillars, help Sasuke cut his wrist, eat Naruto's cookies, run through walls, fly, wishing I was a star, guest starring at The Wiggles and stealing Hinata's makeup."

"S-s-so that's w-where is went…" mumbled Hinata. They all looked at Neji closely to see that he was wearing blush, eye liner, and lip stick.

"Wait a second…" said Ino. "Did you say you could fly?"

"He can't fly." whispered Tenten. "I've seen him jump off a building before."

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

"Can too!"

"Prove it!" yelled Tenten.

"Fine I will!" screamed Neji as he started to flap his arms.

"That's what I thought!" said Tenten, proving she was right.

"Gaara! Truth or dare?" asked Neji.

"Dare." Gaara said, completely uninterested.

"I dare you to make the ultimate sand castle! Using all of your sand!"

"Never! No! I will not use my precious for something so childish!"

"Do it!"

"Never!" screamed Gaara as he punched Neji, and he flew into the night sky.

"I told you Tenten! I _can_ fly!" Said Neji, his voice slowly fading away.

"And so he became a star." Said Sasuke. "Big time."

"Shut up, emo." Itachi said.

"Why should I?" Sasuke asked.

"Because I'm your big brother, and I say so."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes."

"Konoha is weird." Temari said.

"I second that." Kankuro said.

"Me too." Said Sasuke.

"Shut up, emo." Everyone said.

And Sasuke cried, and cried.


	10. Hinata Montana

**FantasyFreak03:** To all of Neji's fans. He loves you all! Aww how sweet!

After Hinata sung her last song for the night, which was Nobody's Perfect, she ran backstage and ripped off her wig.

What she did not know was that Neji had backstage passes. "Hinata-sama?!" yelled Neji wide eyed with shock.

"Neji-nii-san! W-w-what are y-you- h-how did y-you- AH!"

"Hinata-sama…. _You're_ Hannah Montana?"

"I h-h-hoped no b-body would h-h-have to see me l-l-like t-this." Hinata said with a disappointed look on her face.

"Don't worry Hinata-sama! Pudding and I forgive you for not telling us!" said Neji with his famous stupid Neji look on his face. We all love that look, and we confirmed that we love it already. Well if you don't… then I do!

"O-o-okay good." Hinata said in her little tiny voice.

"What was that?" asked Neji.

"O-okay good." Hinata repeated.

"Say again?"

"Okay, g-good."

"Damnnn. Speak louder yo." Pudding said.

"Did p-pudding j-j-just talk?!" yelled Hinata in disbelief.

"Ok _now_ I can hear you. No, that was me." said Neji sarcastically. "Of _course_ pudding can talk. He's been able to talk for years!"

"Neji-nii-san, I thought you w-w-were just i-insane or at l-least just k-kidding!" said Hinata.

"Oh my God, speak louder! I can't hear you!" Neji said as he handed Hinata a megaphone.

"I'm n-n-not going to r-repeat myself." Hinata said in a stubborn way.

"Daggg yo." said pudding.

"P-p-please d-don't tell any o-one t-that I'm Hannah Montana." Hinata begged.

"I promise." Said Neji… again with his stupid Neji look! I love that look!

_The next day…_

"Oh my God, Naruto, yesterday I found out that Hinata-sama is Hannah Montana!" yelled Neji.

"Are you serious?"

"I swear. Even ask pudding!"

"Daggg yo." Pudding said.

"Pudding can talk?"

Neji rolled his eyes.

"Do you guys have hearing problems? He's _always_ been able to talk."

"What ever, I'm telling Sasuke!"

Naruto ran over to Sasuke. He was busy eating Naruto's dirty socks. "Sasuke guess wha- Are you eating my dirty socks again?"

Sasuke looked at him wide eyed with a sock hanging out of his mouth. "Um… no?" he said with a mouthful.

"I'll go burn that sock later. Anyway, Hinata is Hannah Montana!"

"What?!" squealed Sasuke. Sasuke is a very big fangirl of Hannah Montana. He has about 10 posters of her on his bedroom wall, next to his posters of My Chemical Romance. (Liz: So haaaaave you heard the news that you dead, no one ever had much nice to say I think they never liked-… Okay… Another time then)

"I'm Hannah Montana's biggest fan!" screamed Sasuke.

"Hannah Montana? I d-d-don't really like h-her." Hinata mumbled from behind Sasuke.

"But you're-"

"Not a-a f-fan." Hinata finished his sentence. Jeez, Hinata, where'd your manners go?

"Ok Hinata cut the act. I know you're Hannah Montana! I love you!" said Sasuke. For some strange and bazaar reason, Sasuke _licked_ Hinata. (NO! The Author and/or editor does NOT support Sasuke/Hinata)

Hinata slapped him. "She tastes like my sock." Sasuke said with a possessed look on his face.

"Mmmm… Sock… Must… Eat…Sock…"

Then Sasuke bit her. That's where all hell broke loose.

Hinata began to run. Guess what? Sasuke chased her. Run, Hinata, run!

Anyway, Hinata ran past Neji. She looked behind her and saw pudding shaking it's….well whatever it's mouth is on and said, "Daggg yo!"

Hinata was still looking behind her and ran straight off of a cliff. While she was falling, above her was Sasuke screaming "I love you Hannah!"

Hinata fell down for about an hour. _'I never thought it would end like this.'_ Hinata thought as she fell. _'I always thought that I'd end up married to Naruto and have 3 kids. But I figured Liz would bomb our house by then…'_

Well, while Hinata was day-dreaming about Naruto, he happened to be walked below the cliff.

"Wow… I just have the sudden urge to walk below a cliff." Naruto said. After he finished his sentence, Hinata fell on him.

Hinata's face turned bright red. "N-n-n-Naruto-kun!" she said.

There's a dot dot dot there from Naruto to you Hinata!

"Naruto-kun?"

Naruto just lied on the ground, twitching.

Hinata shrugged her shoulders. "He must be taking a nap." She said to herself as she walked home. Oh yeah…if you guessed that Hiashi is actually Billy Ray Cyrus then you are correct!

"I never liked that Neji kid." Billy Ray said. "Never trust a boy who looks like he never got his hair cut in his life."

Somewhere in his room, Neji said,

"I feel a slight tingle in my heart… Someone's making fun of me! And I also feel as though it is a family member!"

"Don't worry Neji, I'm sure you're wrong. Who can hate you?" Pudding said.

"Thanks, Pudding. You make everything better!"

_Back with Hinata… _

"I heard that kid Sasuke is an emo!" said Jackson, Hinata's brother. "What were you doing around him?"

"Oh Jackson…. Ever heard of bumping into some one on accident?"

"Never trust an emo." They both said. "Never trust an emo…"

"I should have cut that Neji kid's hair while I still could." Billy Ray said sadly.

_On Team Gai's training ground._

"Tenten… I have the eerie feeling that a family member of mine wants to cut my hair… really really badly." Neji suddenly said during practice.

"Don't worry, Neji, I'm sure that's not true. If it was, I'm sure it would grow back!" Tenten said, trying to comfort her teammate as best as she could.

"Yeah… Pudding agrees, right? Pudding…? Pudding!?"

Neji looked behind him to see Lee eating Pudding.

"Daggg yo." Pudding mumbled, after being completely devoured by Lee.

"Pudding!!" Neji cried.

"Nice one, Lee." Tenten sighed.


	11. Troubles of the Uchiha

**FantasyFreak03:** Guess what? I've decided to help Itachi and Sasuke with their problems. I'm interviewing them to see what goes on in their messed up heads.

"Ok Itachi-san, we'll start with you." I said while shuffling my papers.

"How come he gets to go first?!" demanded Sasuke.

"Oh don't be such a baby." Said Itachi with his arms crossed.

"I am not a baby!" yelled Sasuke in defense as he went to go stab Itachi.

"If you guys can't control yourselves, I'll be forced to do something evil! I'm the author; I can bring the fangirl back! I know where she lives!" I screamed.

Sasuke quickly sat down. Oh yeah! I've got the power!

"Okay, Itachi…..begin."

"Okay. So one day my friend Richie stole the last cookie right? So than I got pissed off and threw him in the pool. It was fun to watch him drown." All of a sudden Itachi looked possessed. "Drown Richie, drown! AHAHAHAHA!" Itachi's eye started twitching as he laughed maniacally.

"Itachi-san! Calm down!" I screamed. I let out a sigh than said, "Why did you kill the clan?"

"I felt like it. I was only practicing like everyone tells me to."

"Well you're not supposed to practice on real people!" said Sasuke in an obnoxious way.

"Shut up, emo." said Itachi.

"No you shut up!" said Sasuke. "You're a meany!"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"You're a nerd!"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"You're a clan killer!"

Itachi looked at him with tears in his eyes. "That was harsh dude!"

"Awww I'm sorry!" said Sasuke as he gave Itachi a hug.

"See? You guys can get along sometimes!" I said in relief.

Sasuke slapped Itachi in the face. "Ha! Tricked you!"

"Oh, you're going to pay little bro!" Itachi said and he jumped on Sasuke.

I quickly grabbed the phone. "Liz! Come over quick! Itachi-san is here and he wants to uh… say hi?" I said quickly.

"Itachi-kun? Hell yes! I'll be there in a second!"

Suddenly the door opened.

"Itachi-kun! So nice to see you!"

"Oh dear God." Itachi sighed. "Might I ask _why_ you did that, Caitlin?"

"I warned you." I said. "Ok Liz, sit down. I'm using you as a threat."

"Can I use knives?" Liz asked hopefully. "See I brought my own set of butcher knives."

"No, I don't think we'll need those- Why do you have those?"

"For… special occasions?" Liz said.

Everyone moved away from her.

"Just take a seat…" I said

"Okay!" Liz said happily as she sat down next to Itachi.

"Ok Sasuke-san…your turn." I said with a sigh. What a freak show.

"Finally!" Sasuke yelled impatiently. "One day, I was locked in my room because _somebody_ had to watch their precious movie!"

"Sasuke you would have been scared. Remember last time you watched a scary movie with Richie and I?"

"No need to bring that up!" said Sasuke as he started to turn a shade of light pink.

"Sounds embarrassing, and I do love laughing at Sasuke's pain misery… What happened?" asked Liz anxiously as she shook Itachi.

"Well….if you stop shaking me, maybe I'll tell you!" yelled Itachi as he tried to pry Liz's hands off of him. Liz stop scaring my patients.

"Ok…. The last time we watched a horror movie was when Sasuke was five. We watched The Unicorn From the Deadly Swamp of Doom. So when the unicorn popped out…Sasuke….he…"

"Don't say it!" screamed Sasuke.

"Crapped his pants!" Itachi yelled with laughter.

"That's it Itachi! You're going down!" screamed Sasuke as he wrapped his fingers around Itachi's neck.

"No Sasuke don't! She'll take out the-"

"Sasuke… I've been waiting for this." Liz yelled as she took out her case of knives.

"This looks fun." I said as I got a chair and watched them. Liz was trying to stab Sasuke, while Sasuke told her to stay out of it while he was trying to kill Itachi, but soon they got in a fight over Itachi and decided to kill each other.

I grabbed Sasuke from his big ass neck band and pulled him out. "Liz has dibs on Itachi while you tell your side of the story!" I screamed with a possessed look on my face.

"Yes!" screamed Liz with joy.

"What's so great about Itachi? He's a _murderer, _who let his little brother suffer with no family."

"That's just badass." Liz said.

"I agree… But Sasuke, please tell us your side of the story." I said.

"Okay… I went to go get a cookie and Richie walked in the room. So I got surprised and threw the cookie at his face. Then I ran off the academy. Can I go kill Itachi now?"

"No!" I screamed. "Itachi get over here!"

"I would if I could, but I can't because have this random fangirl holding on to me and I can't shake her off!" screamed Itachi as he tried to get free of Liz's clutches.

"Liz, come here! I got an Itachi doll for you! And uh…Itachi made it for you!"

"Yippee!" screamed Liz with joy as she gave the Itachi doll a hug.

"Let's bring in an eye witness." I said.

Neji walked into the room.

"Neji-kun!" I screamed with joy. Neji is my favorite character.

"Sasuke stole my pudding!" cried Neji. "and he never said he was sorry!"

"I'm sorry." Sasuke said sarcastically.

"I forgive you! But it doesn't matter anymore since Lee ate him" Neji cried as he left.

"That was a short visit." I said in disappointment. "He didn't even get to tell the story!"

Out of no where, a fangir- I mean fan_boy_ named Paul came out with a paintball gun. "Oh Itachi!" he said. "My love for you is greater than my love for paintball!"

"Will some one get rid of these idiots!" yelled Itachi. It was official…. Itachi was suffering of O.M.G.I.H.T.M.F.D.

O.M.G.I.H.T.M.F.D is a rare disease. It stands for Oh My God I Have Too Many Fangirls Disease.

"I love Itachi-kun more than you do, Paul!" screamed Liz.

"No! I love him more!" shouted Paul.

Liz tackled Paul to the ground and started beating him up. Paul can't defend himself…

_(Paul is my friend too. He's a real boy! Lawl.) _

"Why do all of you people love Itachi?" I asked. "I love Neji!"

"Itachi is sooo cool though!" said Liz with hearts in her eyes. "Like in the last chapter. I added him to make things sexier."

"You know….I'm standing _right_ here…" said Itachi.

"Yeah I know!"

"Can we get back to what we were talking about in the first place?" I asked completely stressed out. "Paul, I can use you as a threat too."

"Yippee!" screamed Paul with joy.

"Okay, so Sasuke…" Everyone stared at me. "Ok fine! You can go back to killing each other! But I get to kill Sasuke!"

"What?!" shouted Sasuke with a wide eyed anime face on.

"Yay!" everyone screamed with joy, except Liz, she wanted to be the one to do it.

So as this chapter comes to an end, Neji ran away in time so no body would steal pudding again, Itachi got shot in the eye with a paintball gun and ran into Liz, who locked him in her Itachi shrine after his visit to the hospital ("My collection is complete!" she screamed), I beat up Sasuke, and Paul lived in shame that he shot his favorite character in the eye with his paintball gun until he died in self-pity… Or Liz just stabbed him. (Liz: It's such a happy ending! (cries)


	12. JellO vs Pudding

**FantasyFreak03:** Neji has to make a decision. Who will he pick to survive? (insert dramatic music here)

**Hoshi Gin Tsukino: **(takes out a knife) Wanna split him?

Neji was crying under a tree. "Why did Lee have to eat pudding?" cried Neji. "He so, so mean to me!"

Neji is a very sensitive person….on the inside.

Tenten was spying on him from the branch above. Stalker! Well anyway, she jumped down next to Neji and asked, "Neji, why are you crying?"

"Lee ate pudding!" said Neji between sobs.

"Oh yeah…heh…I forgot about that! That was two chapters ago." She said with a nervous smile.

Neji just sat their under the tree crying until sunset.

"Ok Neji enough crying!" said Tenten completely bored out of her mind. "Here's some Jell-O! I can't stand your crying! Go on! Make friends with it."

Neji starred at the Jell-O. "So uh…do you like umm…socks?" asked Neji nervously. The pink wiggly Jell-O just sat there in the bowl…and wiggled. "I can't work with this!" said Neji.

"Come on," Tenten yelled. "You didn't give it any time to answer!" Tenten thought for a second than said, "Oh my God… I'm trying to help a boy make friends with an imminent object… may God save me."

"Her." said Neji. "It's a girl."

"Well you didn't give _her_ any time to answer!"

A tear fell down Neji's cheek. "Pudding always answered right away!"

"Just… Just talk to it!" yelled Tenten as she walked away.

Jell-O looked at Neji and said, "Ok _finally_ that girl is gone!" said the Jell-O in relief. "I thought she'd never leave!"

"So you _can_ talk like pudding does!" said Neji.

"No…You're just insane."

"You're not the first to say that." Said Neji, depressed as ever.

"I got to go now. I'm going to the mall with my friends!" said Jell-O as she walked away. "We're all getting make-over!"

"Wait!" shouted Neji. "Don't leave, Jell-O!"

"My name isn't Jell-O!" said the…whatever its name is in a preppy voice. "My name Jelly."

"That's a pretty name." said Neji with his famous stupid Neji look and a little red blush on his face.

I know what you're all thinking. _'What the hell… He's in love with a freakin' bowl of Jell-o… He's been dropped on his head as a child, hasn't he.' _That may be true… let's find out!

"Do you have O.M.G.I.A.F.M.D.?" asked Jelly.

"Uh…" Neji stopped for a bit than said "….yes….."

O.M.G.I.A.F.M.D is _another_ rare disease. There are many rare diseases in this world. This one stands for Oh My God I'm A Frickin' Moron Disease.

"That's rarer than Itachi's disease!" said Jelly.

"Bu-….yeah I know…" said Neji with his head down in sorrow.

"Get away from me, you evil fangirls!" you could hear a voice yell faintly.

_Somewhere in Lee's apartment of youth and stupidity…_

"My belly hurts!" said Lee as he sat in his chair of phatness.

"Quiet you!" said Gai as he fixed his hair in his magic Barbie light-up mirror.

"You're stylin' girl!" said the Barbie from the mirror.

"Thank yo- Barbie?! Are you stuck in there again!? Don't worry girl, I'll get you out!"

Gai ran out of the room to get his power tools….from his Bob the Builder play set.

When we got back in the room with his plastic hammer, he started banging it against the mirror. The hammer kept on singing, _"Bob the Builder! Can we fix it? Bob the Builder! Yes we can!"_

"Oh Gai…" said Lee with a sigh. "Why don't you realize that_ you _can't fix it! Only Bob can!"

"I can have a dream!" cried Gai has he picked up the mirror.

"You're a fashion diva!" the mirror said.

"Thank you, Barbie, I know." Gai walked towards the door.

"Where are you going with that?" Lee asked.

"I'm dropping it off the roof." said Gai with a flirty smile. "Barbie and I can go on a date when I get her out of there!"

Lee's belly rumbled. "Do you have a soothing tummy lozenge of youth?" asked Lee.

"What makes you think that I have one of those?"

"Because you do!" said Lee with smile.

They stared at each other for at least a half hour.

"Fine I do! Just stop with the staring and the scarring for life would you?!" shouted Gai.

Lee let out an evil laugh than took the lozenge from Gai. When he ate it, his stomach rumbled more. From out of his stomach rose the ghost of pudding. "Daggg yo!" said pudding as his voice faded away.

"That was weird." said Lee while raising one eyebrow.

All of a sudden there was a crash from the bottom of the building. Lee could here Gai crying between sobs saying "Barbie! Where are you?!"

"Totally!" the mirror said.

_Back on Endor- I mean back with Neji…_

"Wow we've been doing nothing for about 40 minutes." said Neji while crossing his arms.

"Yep…" said Jelly in agreement.

"It's time for pudding to come into the scene, where is he?!"

Pudding's ghost flew in.

"Oh ok…" Neji cleared his thought. "Pudding?! You're alive!" Neji shouted with joy.

"All right, Neji!" yelled a voice behind him.

Neji looked behind him and there was Naruto….wearing a ski mask. (It had a huge hole in the face so you could tell it was him.)

"Ahh!" screamed Neji. "Stranger!"

"All right you can't have both friends." said his assistant. (Who was Sasuke.) "Pick on who will live…. The other one will be coming with us!" said his 'assistant' with an evil laugh.

"But I…I…" Neji looked at both of his friends…. And they looked back at him. "I know who to choose! Kill me instead!" screamed Neji as he stabbed himself in the stomach with a kunai.

"Neji?" said Naruto as he took off his mask. "You know it was a joke right? Neji….? Neji?!"

Tenten ran in screaming. "Neji, you idiot!"

While this dramatic moment was happening, Sasuke and Naruto were fighting.

"No you killed him!"

"No you did! You're just like your brother!" said Naruto.

"Take! That! Back!" shouted Sasuke as he took out his kunai.

Back to the drama...well drama _like_ scene….

"Neji! Speak to me!" cried Tenten.

Neji just lied there. He managed to force out a couple of words. "Fli…fli…"

"Fli what?" asked Tenten.

"Figginnarg." said Neji with a smirk.

"Hey!" screamed Sasuke. "That's my line!"

"Heh…sucker…" Neji said as he died.

"No!" cried Tenten, grieving over Neji's death.

_10 hours later when everybody left…_

"Ugh…that was a nice nap!" said Neji while stretching. "Wait what the hell?" Where did everybody go? I'm so lonely…so very….very lonely…."


	13. When Weasels Attack

**FantasyFreak03:** Look out fangirls! Itachi is coming and he brought some friends!

**Hoshi Gin Tsukino (from the editor): **No way, I'm older than that, haha

**To all of the reviewers: **Thank you so much!

_At the Akatsuki Hideout, Headquarters thingy…_

Itachi was very distressed about his little "fangirl problem." He sat slumped down in his seat with his eyes closed. "Damn fangirls…" he said over and over again.

"Hey Itachi-kun!" said Kisame teasingly. "I love you Itachi-kun!"

"Shut up…" said a pissed Itachi.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door.

"Deidara, just open the door. That Neji kid isn't here, you don't have to pretend to run through walls!" said Kisame.

"We're coming in!" shouted a female voice.

"Wait a second." said Itachi as he sat up straight. "I know that voice…it's…"

The door broke down and many fangirls poured in. "Itachi-kun! We love you!" the fangirls squealed. (Again.)

"God… What did I do to deserve this? All I did was kill my entire clan, and left my little brother to suffer and turn emo, and I drowned my friend… That's nothing." Itachi sighed.

_Final Fantasy Battle Scene!_

Let's just pretend the battle music is playing….

"I summon Bahumut!" shouted a fangirl. She created a portal thingy, and out came Itachi's weakness…

"Meow!" 

"No!" cried Itachi. "It's my worst enemy! It's weak… Why is it so weak? Because… It lacks hatred!"

"Random fangirl attack!" yelled another fangirl. Nothing happened.

"This _is_ a random fangirl attack!" said Itachi as he rolled his eyes. "Oh well… time for my attack. Mangekyo Sharingan!"

All of a sudden a big mob a weasels came running into the house… place. The giant leader weasel squeaked and conducted the other weasels.

"…What the hell?" Itachi asked to no one in particular.

A weasel jumped on a fangirl's face. "Get it off! Get it off!" she screamed in pain.

Itachi pointed at her and laughed. "This is almost as good as drowning Richie!" Itachi laughed maniacally.

Another weasel went up to a freaky possessive fangirl.

"Hurt me if you want….I don't care." She said.

The weasel zapped her with its evil weasel vision. She blew up!

Itachi was laughing hysterically now. "Hahahaha! She went boom!"

_Victory Music!_

"Hey, weasels… Want to help me out one more time?" Itachi asked.

_In Sasuke's room in Orochimaru's lair_

Itachi knocked down the door. "Oh, Sasuke!"

"Itachi!? (twitch twitch, foam at mouth, you know the drill) What are you doing here?" Sasuke said, still twitching.

"I've come for my revenge."

"What revenge?! I need revenge on you!" shouted Sasuke.

"Revenge for making me kill Richie."

"He's fighting for me!" said Richie joyfully with tears in his eyes as he got some popcorn and soda.

The weasels started to attack. Sasuke by biting at his arms, legs, and one was attached to his face… The usual.

"Where did you get these weasels!?" screamed Sasuke.

Itachi was laughing. "I don't know…they love me. I just make things sexier."

"No you don't!"

"Yes, I do."

"No you don't!"

"Yes… I do"

"Well I want one!" said Sasuke.

"Foolish little brother, you're not cool enough."

"No, I'm cool!"

"Alright, I'll let you live once again, just to see you fail at getting a weasel." Itachi said, as he exited Sasuke's room.

An evil smirk spread across Sasuke's face. "Time to get me a weasel!" Sasuke said as he walked down the stairs.

"Sasuke-kun, where are you going? We were supposed to play with those cute dollies of yours later!" Orochimaru said.

"I'm out to get a minion to kill Itachi. And those are voodoo dolls." Sasuke said as he left.

_At the pet store…_

"Mr. Cashier person, with the face." Sasuke said to the cashier. "Where can I get me a weasel?"

"We don't have any weasels. We have chickens." said the cashier.

"I'm in!" Sasuke said as he bought his chicken. "I'm going to call you Emo Junior! Then I'm going to teach you to jump through a hoop! But first…it's time to pay someone a little visit…."

_To be continued…Yes I'm just that evil._


	14. Chatroom Madness

**Yeah… We decided to do the classic Naruto Chatroom thing... There's a lot of names… But if you want to know who's who, just ask in a review. **

**Hoshi Gin Tsukino: **How about we just split him down the center? It's gonna hurt like hell though, ahaha oh well.

On with the story!

**CherryBlossomMedic:** Hi, Sasuke-kun

**RedAvenger18: **Hey Sakura…

**CherryBlossomMedic:** Do you want to go into a chat with Naruto?

**RedAvenger18:** Ugh… Sure why not…

_In the chatroom…_

**BelieveIt911: **Hey Sakura-chan! Hi Sasuke…

**RedAvenger18: **Why do I get no exclamation mark?

_PaleEyes921 has entered the room_

**PaleEyes921: **Hi Naruto-kun…

**RedAvenger18:** Why not hello for me?

**PaleEyes921:** You're not important enough…

**RedAvenger18:** Well that's harsh because I'm your biggest fan

(Somewhere in Sasuke's room, he foams at the mouth)

**RedAvenger18:** Haha… Sorry… I was busy foaming at the mouth.

**BelieveIt911: **You really need to take some pills for that

**CherryBlossomMedic: **Can we please talk about something that isn't bathed in stupid?

**BelieveIt911:** I agree with Sakura-chan!

**RedAvenger18: **You always agree with Sakura

**BelieveIt911: **Don't blame me! Blame the writers!

_IGotNoPupils234 has entered the room_

**IGotNoPupils234: **Hello everyone

**CherryBlossomMedic:** Neji-san? What's with your name?

**IGotNoPupils234: **Hanabi-sama made it, and she said that if I changed my name, she'd blackmail me with my baby pictures…

**CherryBlossomMedic:** Ooh… That's tough

**RedAvenger18: **Oh come on… Who invited Neji?

**WeaselKing101: **That would be me.

**BelieveIt911:** Itachi!? You invited Neji? How did you get into the chatroom?

**WeaselKing101: **Again I was added to make things sexier. I always will.

**RedAvenger18: **Hacker…

**IGotNoPupils234: **Hyuugas are way better than Uchihas…

**BelieveIt911: **Wait a second…Neji…didn't you die 2 chapters ago?

**IGotNoPupils234:** No. I fainted from blood loss.

**RedAvenger18:** You used my quote before you fainted! You bastard!

**IGotNoPupils234:** Oh be quiet, Sasu-gay, be right back.

**RedAvenger18:** Oh yeah! He fears me!

**WeaselKing101:** No it is _me_ who he fears. No one fears emos

**CherryBlossomMedic: **He's got a point, Sasuke.

_JitterBug has entered the room_

**JitterBug:** Hello

**WeaselKing101:** Who invited him…?

**BelieveIt911:** God, Shino what are you doing here?!

**JitterBug:** Hinata invited me… I like bugs

**CherryBlossomMedic: **Hinata-san, how can you put up with this?

**PaleEyes921:** The authors pity me

_FantasyFreak03 has entered the room._

**FantasyFreak03:** Oh I don't think so, Hinata!

_FantasyFreak03 has left the room._

**PaleEyes921:** That was scary…

_xxDumbxBlondexx, GreenYouth, and 2Troublesome have entered the room._

**xxDumbxxBlondexx:** Hey guys!

**RedAvenger18:** Oh come on…

**GreenYouth: **How youthful of you all!

**2Troublesome: **How troublesome…

**JitterBug:** I like bugs…

**BelieveIt911:** Yeah we know that

**RedAvenger18:** Itachi where did you get your stupid screen name, when I saw it I was hysterically laughing.

**WeaselKing101: **Kisame made it for me when I was out on a mission, you know, killing maiming, destroying villages… But the Akatsuki Leader only lets us get one screen name each, so I couldn't change it…

**CherryBlossomMedic:** He's so dreamy…

**WeaselKing101: **…

**xxDumbxxBlondxx:** Who's Kisame?

**IGotNoPupils234: **I'm back! Pudding called me on my cellphone. (Author Note: Lets just pretend he actually has one)

**PaleEyes921:** You're using up all of your minutes talking to a bowl of pudding…

**IGotNoPupils234: **Why must you hurt me in this way?

_ArtIsABangx has entered the room _

**WeaselKing101:** Deidara… What are you doing here? And who the hell invited you?

**ArtIsABangx: **I was added to make this sexier… un

**WeaselKing101: **No… You are sadly mistaken because that is my role.

**ArtIsABangx: **Well you're fired, because it's mine, un

**IGotNoPupils: **You'd think it would be Itachi and I because the author and the editor are extreme Neji and Itachi fangirls…

**ArtIsABangx:** No… The editor is a Deidara fangirl too… un

**IGotNoPupils: **Since when?

**ArtIsABangx: **I don't know… That's scary… un

**GreenYouth:** I feel… ignored

**2Troublesome: **You're not the only one…

**CherryBlossomMedic: **Haha…

**ArtIsABangx: **Hey… You're the one who killed Sasori-danna… You're in for it…

**CherryBlossomMedic: **Oh yeah!?

**BelieveIt911:** Hehe… Remember the time I accidentally kissed Sasuke? Good times… Good times

**RedAvenger18: **No, that was NOT a good time! I washed my precious Uchiha mouth with soap after that!

**PaleEyes921:** Neji-nii-san, did you and pudding just spill ketchup all over the bathroom counter?

**IGotNoPupils234:** No…

**PaleEyes921:** Than what's all of this red stuff?

**IGotNoPupils234: **Sasuke! I told you to clean up your mess in the bathroom!

**RedAvenger18: **Sorry…

**WeaselKing101: **Lil bro… What did you do this time?

**RedAvenger: **Neji was helping me with my emo cutting and we hit a critical artery

**IGotNoPupils234: **Ooh… I heard a really loud bang… I think Hinata-sama fainted.

**xxDumbxxBlondxx:** That's disgusting… To think I actually liked you, Sasuke.

**BelieveIt911: **Believe it!

**ArtIsABangx: **What's with the lame catch phrase, un?

**BelieveIt911:** As if yours is any better!

**ArtIsABangx: **What did you say, un!?

_FiveAndFiveIsTen has entered the room_

**FiveAndFiveIsTen:** Neji, what did you do to my screen name??

**IGotNoPupils234: **Haha… Oh yeah, that… I messed around with it

**FiveAndFiveIsTen: **It's supposed to be WeaponMistress! Ugh, be right back, I'm fixing it.

**ArtIsABangx: **This room is filled with maniacs… un

**WeaselKing101:** With much consideration, it seems that we need a battle to see who is sexier, Deidara.

**ArtIsABangx: **What's the challenge, un?

**WeaselKing101: **To see who can drive my foolish younger brother into insanity the fastest.

**RedAvenger18: **What?!

**BelieveIt911: **Can I play?

**WeaselKing101:** No

**BelieveIt911:** Why not?

**WeaselKing101:** Because you're not sexy.

_RedAvenger101 has left the room._

**WeaponMistress: **Where did he go?

**ArtIsABangx: **He fears me, un.

**PaleEyes921: **Ouchies… My head.

**JitterBug: **I like bugs

**BelieveIt911: **I think he's hiding… Hehe… Have fun finding him.

_The next day when they all aren't wasting their lives in a chat room…_

"Ok are you going to go first, un?" asked Deidara as he and Itachi entered Sasuke's apartment door.

"No. You can go first. Sasuke will suspect something if it is me."

"Okay, un!" Deidara exclaimed as he walked into Sasuke's room. "Hiya Sasuke, un!"

"Who are you!?" Sasuke yelled completely freaked out.

"Watcha doin?" Deidara asked. Before Sasuke could answer, Deidara said, "Look what I can do!" Deidara took a cookie and shoved it in his hand's mouth.

The hand started to choke.

"Damnit, not again… Does anyone know CPR?"

"Hey foolish little brother." said Itachi as he walked into the room.

"Oh no they're everywhere!" Sasuke yelled.

"I just wanted to drop by to visit you like a good big brother should. Having fun trying to kill me? Want to see a card trick?" asked Itachi as he pulled out a deck of cards. "This is a new brand of cards. It's _Flowers and Kittens_ brand."

"No!" cried Sasuke. "I hate that brand!"

"Hey, Sasuke, let me call the 'We Love Sasuke' fangirl group and tell them where you live, un!"

"No, let me do it… Hello? Yes, I am- No, no, I didn't kill my foolish little brother yet… Yeah, he lives on-"

"Nooo!" Sasuke screamed. He jumped out of the window, and his room was on the seventh floor so…I guess you can guess what happened.

_KER-SPLAT!_

"I win, un!" shouted Deidara.

"No, it was me who won." said Itachi.

"How about a tie, un?"

"Okay..." said Itachi.

"Yay, un!" Deidara said happily as he put his arm around Itachi's shoulders. Itachi slapped his arm.

"Watch it, you."


	15. Have You Seen My brother?

**FantasyFreak03: **Based on a true story in my life! Well….some of it! Most of it is not true though.

Sasuke was running all over the school campus saying, "Oh crap!" over and over again.

"Sasuke-kun, what's wrong?" asked Sakura curiously as she watched Sasuke bite his nails (which were painted black, by the way).

"I can't find Itachi!" Right there he started to twitch and foam at the mouth "Hehe… Sorry… But he was there one second and now he's gone. Maybe someone killed him! But _I_ need to do it! _I'm_ the avenger." Sasuke said nervously. He pulled out an ID card, something he probably did himself because it was in red crayon and on lined paper. It read: Name: Uchiha Sasuke. Occupation: Avenger.

"Well... I guess I can try to calm you down." said Sakura with a sympathetic smile as she snapped her fingers.

All of a sudden, Kiba came out with high leather boots, a red mini skirt, and a tight top on.

"Okay Sasuke it's time to… Wait a second…" Kiba said as he took out a piece of paper.

Scribbled on the paper was his lines.

"Oh… Sorry… It's time to dance... How much am I going to get paid again?"

"Three dollars an hour." Sakura said.

"Fine… Hit it" Kiba said.

Suddenly, music from no where played. Kiba started to tap his foot.

"Fergalicious definition, make them boys go crazy." He sung half-heartedly.

"Make it stop!" Sasuke yelled in pain of seeing Sakura torture Kiba's poor soul by dressing him in tight girl's clothes and singing to Fergalicious. Serenity now Sasuke, serenity now.

The music stopped. "Thank you… So very, very much." Kiba cried. You can tell, he was desperate for the money. Akamaru probably ruined the carpet again…

"Ugh… Come on, Kiba, let's find some other unfortunate soul to torture." A depressed Sakura said.

"Hinata! Help me!" Kiba cried as Sakura dragged him away from Sasuke.

Sasuke hastily drew a picture of Itachi. He held it up in the air and yelled, "Has anyone seen my brother?!" He ran up to random people and said, "Have you seen my brother?"

"Oh yeah. I've seen your brother." said Ino.

"Have you really seen him?"

"Nope!" said Ino with an evil laugh.

"I've s-seen him!" said Hinata.

"Where is he?" asked Sasuke, looking possessed.

"H-he's the h-hot one r-right?" Hinata said with a light pink blush spread across her face.

"Ugh… Yes I guess." said Sasuke while rolling his eyes.

"Umm… H-he… uh… w-w-wen-"

"Oh I don't have time for this!" said Sasuke as he left Hinata behind, who was still trying to make out the words.

Sasuke ran past Neji, who was once again, playing with his Barbie Dolls. "Amber that is like a totally fab skirt you're wearing!" he said in fake girl voices. "I know it's like totally fab! I'm wearing it to the dance tonight!"

"Neji!" shouted Sasuke.

Neji let out a shrill girly scream. "Sasuke!" Neji said, hiding the dolls behind his back. "Where did you come from… hehe…"

"Neji, I'll ignore the fact that you were playing with dolls for the moment…"

"But Tenten told me to learn more about girls when I tried to ask her out! She's still mad at me with the whole pudding issue…" Neji said. See guys, he's maturing! A little bit…

"Okay… But have you seen my brother?"

"Why, in the world, would I want to see another Uchiha face? Damn Uchihas…"

"By the way, we have a battle later on today."

"Don't worry, I'll get the medics out there before we start for when you get beaten to a pulp."

"I'm wasting time… Must find brother…"

Sasuke ran up to Temari, Kakashi and Sakura, who were having a strict discussion on why not to blow your fan at people in class and publicly humiliate people for money.

"Hey guys, have you seen my brother? I need to kill him because he's an ass."

"Oh wow, he's cute." Temari said.

"Forget cute, he's hot!" Sakura squealed.

"He's mine!" yelled Kakashi as he grabbed the picture of Itachi.

"No! He's mine!" shouted Sakura as she jumped to grab the picture of Itachi from Kakashi.

The picture started to get crinkled and ripped.

"No! Stop it, guys! I need to kill him!"

"I need to date him!" cried Sakura.

"Ugh… Why in the world did we do the exchange program… Konoha is so… strange." Temari sighed.

Sasuke stopped shouting and steadied himself. He worked up an innocent face and had small tears in his eyes.

"Can I pwetty pwease have the picture of my brother?" Sasuke said.

"Aww… Okay! It's just that Uchiha charm!" Kakashi said.

Sasuke sniffled. "T-thanks…"

Sasuke looked over to the school and saw Itachi walking out of the building.

"Itachi!" he screamed with joy as he ran towards Itachi. Once he got over to Itachi, he jumped into his arms. "Itachi I'm so happy I found you!" cried Sasuke.

"Sasuke? What are you doing?" Itachi asked curiously.

"I thought someone killed you! I wanted to do it! Where were you anyway?"

Itachi looked at Sasuke strangely. "I was at an Akatsuki meeting… We're low on budget so we had to have the meeting in the boys' bathroom…"

"Oh wow… That sucks. Well gimmie a hug, I was worried!" Sasuke said as he wrapped his arms around Itachi's shoulders. "I'm still going to kill you, by the way."

Itachi was about to drop him and say, "Don't touch me." But he thought of something else. He took out a kunai and dug it into Sasuke's back and dropped him.

"Damnit… That hurts!" Sasuke cursed as he pressed his hand on the deep wound on his back. "And I have nothing to tourniquet the blood! Thanks for nothing."

Itachi tossed Sasuke a small band-aid and walked away.

"It still smarts like hell!" Sasuke called after his older brother. "Is it normal to have an irregular pulse and cloudy vision?"

'Damn I'm sexy…' Itachi thought as he left his now bleeding brother on the ground.


	16. Beach Time!

**FantasyFreak03:** The Naruto characters are bored and decided to throw a beach party… yeaah

"Come on Naruto! We're going to be late!" said Sakura as she waited outside of Naruto's room with a towel covering her bathing suit.

"In a minute, in a minute!"

"Ugh… Hurry up! I hate being late…"

Naruto walked out of the door with an orange bathing suit on. You're breaking some new ground with the color aren't you, Naruto?

"Come on, let's go!"

"We need to wait for Sasuke-kun." said Sakura, now growing very impatient.

Sasuke came out with one of Sakura's bathing suits on.

"Sakura I don't think this fits me very well. I think I'll take mine instead."

Sakura stared at him blankly as he walked back into his room.

"That was disturbing." said Naruto. "Believe it!"

"He wore my new bathing suit… I need to go burn it when we're done."

Sasuke came back out in a blue bathing suit. "This fits better." He said with a smile.

"Come on… Everyone is going to think we're selfish bastards if we're not there."

_Later at the beach…_

"Alright, guys! The future Hokage is here!" Naruto said as he punched his fists in the air… Everyone was ignoring him.

"Alright… I'm going swimming." Tenten said with an ear to ear grin on her face from the thought of seeing Neji in a bathing suit. (Naughty thoughts, Tenten!!)

"You do that…" Neji said.

_Meanwhile…_

"So are we going to crash the party or not, un?!" said Deidara as he was getting changed into his bathing suit.

"Yes we are…and hopefully my foolish little brother will be there…and nothing will tourniquet his blood again." said Itachi from outside the door. "Are you done yet?"

"Almost, un!" said Deidara is his happy Deidara voice. "So are we going to do the usual, maim, kill, ect, un?"

"I thought first we'd go swimming, _then_ we do the usual… By the way, I'm brining a pillow for when we knock my foolish brother unconscious."

"Good idea, un!" said Deidara. "I'm done, un!" Deidara walked out of the room…

"I suggest you put on your robe or you'll scar little kids for life."

"…You bastard, un." Said Deidara.

_Back at the party Neji decided that he was bored and went swimming in the water…_

Neji was about to go in when Sasuke pushed him into the water.

"Hey, where's the life guard?" Naruto asked.

"There is no life guard." laughed Sakura.

"There isn't…?" asked Tenten. She looked over to where the life guard stand was. There was a sign that said: '_Back in a half hour. Do not go in water unless you have a death wish.'_

"Hinata, does Neji have a death wish?" asked Naruto.

"U-uh." stuttered Hinata. She was in shock from the fact that Naruto actually said her name. "I d-don't t-think so."

Neji came up from out of the water. He attempted to spit out the salty sea water from his mouth and walked to shore.

"Hey, Neji are you okay?" Tenten called, walking towards him.

"That Uchiha bastard… What are you staring at?"

Tenten was staring at the large gash across his lip. He most likely hit a rock on the bottom.

"Come on, Neji, I'll get a napkin or something to clean the blood…"

"Girl power!" shouted Naruto with a goofy smile. "Believe it!"

"Lame…" said Sasuke between coughs.

"Screw you, Sasuke…" Naruto said.

"I think I'm going to go swimming… Maybe I'll die and be rid of you two…" Sakura sighed. She took off her towel, exposing her two piece bathing suit.

Naruto stared at her with his jaw dropped. "S-sakura-chan?!"

"Yes?" said Sakura with a pretty smile. She was actually looking at Sasuke, who was smiling while watching the blood pouring from Neji's wound.

"N-nothing!" said Naruto.

Sakura walked into the water, and Naruto stared at her.

"I think I'll g-go for a s-swim too." said a familiar timid voice.

Naruto looked behind him and saw Hinata in a bathing suit. "Oh… Hinata."

_Must… Surpass… Sakura… and gain Naruto-kun's love…_

Sasuke looked out into the water and saw Sakura talking to Hinata.

"That's not really Sakura, is it?" Sasuke asked.

"Hey Sasuke you can have Hinata but Sakura is mine!" yelled Naruto.

"Fine with me." said Sasuke. I bet he'll fall in love with any girl wearing a bathing suit.

Meanwhile, Tenten was still wiping the blood off of Neji's wound. _'Maybe I shouldn't have yelled at Neji like that.' _thought Tenten. '_He's actually maturing and scaring me less._

"I can do it myself, you know." Neji said stubbornly.

Tenten sighed.

"Alright, alright… If this is all about making you play with dolls in public, then I'm sorry."

"Don't even remind me of that…" Neji said angrily.

Right now, Tenten was having a debate in her head.

**Do it!** Her thoughts screamed.

_No way! It'll be weird! I refuse to do it!_

**Come on, you **_**know**_** you want to**

_Even so… Then… Alright, alright… By the way, I hate you,_

Tenten suddenly grabbed Neji's shoulders and kissed him.

By now, Neji's head was panicking…

_She's kissing you, what do you do?_

_You're not doing anything, you know…_

_Do something!_

Neji grabbed her waist and returned the kiss…

_Okay… let's leave these two alone and see what else is happening…_

Itachi and Deidara finally reached where the party was.

"Finally, we're here, un!" said Deidara happily. "Hey, there they are, un."

The overlook of the party was quite simple. Neji and Tenten were still there on the bench and Tenten's face was a dark red, Sakura and Hinata were splashing each other in the water, Naruto and Sasuke were staring at them, Kiba was… only staring at Hinata.

"This looks like its going to be fun, un." Deidara said.

"The party looks weak- ("Here we go again" Deidara said)... Why is it so weak? Because it lacks… Hatred."

"Oh well… I'm going for a swim."

"Why do you think anyone would like to see your naked torso?"

"Like anyone would like to see yours, un! Anyway, the fangirls _love _it... un."

(In the backround, there stood many Deidara fangirls holding up a sign that read 'We Love You, Dei!')

Deidara walked into the water, the same time Sasuke walked into the water. When Sasuke walked into the water, the water started to turn red.

"What the hell… Why is the water turning red?" Sakura said.

"Sorry…" said Sasuke. "That same artery _always_ gets in the way…"

Every one gave Sasuke a death glare and stepped away from him.

"Hey, foolish little brother." Itachi said.

"Itachi! I'm going to kill you!" Sasuke yelled. Meanwhile… Sakura... from seeing Sasuke's much better looking brother, turned pink'

"I got you something." Itachi said as he handed Sasuke the pillow.

"Why did you get me a pillow?"

"Trust me, you're going to need it." Deidara said.


	17. When Weasels Attack: Part 2

**FantasyFreak03: **Part Two of the weasel story! Who will win? Emo Jr. or Itachi's weasel? Let's find out!

"Yes… After many chapters of waiting… It's finally time… For part two…"

"Cluck, cluck, cluck!" Emo Jr. said.

"Don't worry Jr.!" said Sasuke as he patted the chicken on the head. "You'll win for sure!"

Emo Jr. just stood there pecking its leg.

"Good boy! Soon enough I'll let you use my razor!"

_Later at Akatsuki_

Itachi was laughing manically. "My little brother is weak… Why is he so weak…because…he fails to get a weasel." said Itachi.

Suddenly there was a loud bang at the door.

"Itachi, let me in!" shouted Sasuke on the other side of the door.

"No body's home. Come back later." Itachi said while re-painting his nails purple.

"Oh ok- Wait a minute…" Sasuke said as he kicked down the door.

"You broke down the door…" said Itachi "You owe the Akatsuki 70 dollars…"

"Face the wrath of my new chicken!" shouted Sasuke.

"Foolish little brother… This will be easy."

"Oh so sure are you?" said Sasuke with his arms crossed. "Well do your weasels have laser

vision?"

Emo Jr. aimlessly started to shoot items with its laser vision.

"Yes, they do…"

Sasuke didn't hear him. He was too busy patting Emo Jr. on the head and saying "Good boy! Keep up the good work and I'll get you your _own_ razor blade!"

Emo Jr. stupidly looked up at Sasuke.

"Could you hurry this up? I have stuff to do, people to kill, villages to destroy… By this point I'll only have to use one weasel."

"Wait a second!" said Sasuke wide eyed with shock. "You have more than one weasel?"

"Yes…" said Itachi. "Have you been paying attention lately?"

"Yeah… Kind of…"

"You didn't realize that when you were watching The Wiggles that Hyuuga kid got attacked by five weasels?"

_Elsewhere_

Neji stopped sparring with Tenten and started to shiver.

"Neji… What's wrong?" asked Tenten.

"My Hyuuga senses indicate that an S-rank criminal is talking about me… At least I don't dress like Gai-sensei.

_Elsewhere within that elsewhere…_

"How youthful!" shouted Lee. "I have the strangest feeling that somebody is making fun of me!"

"Oh don't listen to them!" said Gai. "Now come help me Barbie out of the cash register!"

Lee put his head down and walked slowly over to his sensei.

_Ok this story isn't about Neji or Lee! It's about the weasels!_

"I get your point…" said Sasuke with small tears in his eyes.

"Are you crying? Why did I let you live again?"

Sasuke sniffled. "To measure your capabilities?" asked Sasuke.

"Oh yeah..."

"Attack!" shouted Sasuke with tears dripping down his cheeks.

"Weasel! I choose you!" shouted Itachi as he threw a pokeball.

**Stats:**

**Pokemon:**** Random Weasel**

**Name:**** Itachi was too cool to name him.**

**Level:**** 1000**

**Health:**** 9999 out of 9999**

**Attacks:**** Weasel bite, weasel scratch, and weasel laser eyes attack.**

**Owner:**** Uchiha Itachi**

**Rareness:**** 1 out of 6,000,000**

"Amazing!" squealed Sasuke in shock. "He's got the forbidden pokemon!"

"That's right! I got the level 1000 Random Weasel pokemon. I suggest you give up now." said Itachi with an evil laugh.

"Never! I _will_ be the next pokemon master!" said Sasuke.

"I believe in the Hyuuga being a pokemon master more than I do my own brother." shouted Itachi with his arms held up.

"Emo Jr.! I choose you!" yelled Sasuke, almost about to cry again as he threw the pokeball.

**Stats:**

**Pokemon:**** Useless Chicken**

**Name:**** Emo Jr.**

**Level:**** Negative one**

**Health:**** 1 out of 10**

**Attacks:**** Useless chicken attack, pecking suicide**

**Owner:**** Uchiha Sasuke**

**Rareness:**** …You must really suck to have this pokemon…**

"…Where the hell did you get that crappy pokemon?"

"I got him from the pet store… Leave me alone!" Sasuke said defensively.

_This may only work for Itachi… I have to try though…_

Sasuke attempted to put on an innocent face. "Can you pweety pwease not kill my chicken?"

"Ok…" said Itachi with an evil smirk.

Sasuke looked at him shocked. _'Wow I didn't think that would work!'_ thought Sasuke.

"I won't kill your chicken…" said Itachi while winking.

"Why are you winking at me?" asked Sasuke curiously. All of a sudden, Sasuke turned pink.

"Do you like me?" he said in a cute little Uchiha voice.

"No… I'm going to kill you…" said Itachi as he stabbed Sasuke in the back.

"Dude… You just stabbed me in the back!" yelled Sasuke in pain.

"Foolish little brother…" said Itachi as stared at his bleeding brother. "You are weak…why are you so weak? Because…you lack…."

"I know this one! You already said this to me… I lack hatred, yeah I know."

"I was going to say you lack sexiness…but that one works too." said Itachi.


	18. The Dance of Doom: Part 1

**FantasyFreak03: **The school dance is coming up! Who's going to ask who? By the way, sometimes I'm going to make the Naruto story in the ninja world, and sometimes in the real world. This chapter is _at_ the dance. It's the preparations.

Neji was standing in the middle of the hallway with white sheets of paper, handing them out to passer-bys.

"I'm doing this against my own will. Yeah, go to the dance, I'm forced to do this… Shut up."

Tenten passed by Neji without noticing him for a second.

"Wait, Neji what are you doing?"

"The principal wanted me to hand out these fliers for the dance…" Neji said as he handed someone a flier.

"Hmm… Are you going?"

"I guess so…"

"…Is Pudding coming too?"

"Pudding left me for Jell-O" said Neji, very bored.

"So it was that damn bowl of pudding that possessed Neji." Tenten mumbled.

Yes, it turns out that Pudding is a diabolical evil genius, who knows how to mind control people. Scary, right?

"Say again?"

"Oh nothing! Well I'm going, see you!"

"Yeah…"

_Meanwhile…_

"Oh, boy! A dance! Finally!" Naruto said, bouncing up and down.

Sasuke walked up to him and smacked him on the back of the head.

"Get a hold of yourself." He said calmly. "Dances aren't that special, what's the point?"

Naruto gave him a death glare.

"It's for fun, but you wouldn't get that because you're anti-fun. Your idea of fun is stabbing that picture of your brother on your wall all day."

Sakura walked down the hallway near Sasuke and Naruto with a white flier in her hand.

"Geez… A dance… I'm not sure if I'm going if I don't get a date…" she mumbled as she walked past the two boys.

"I'm asking Sakura-chan, so don't get any ideas." Naruto said.

"Why in the world would she ask you? What appealing features do you posses? I'm going to ask her." Sasuke said.

"No way, she's mine!" shouted Naruto.

It turns out that Sakura stopped to get a drink from the water fountain near them and could over-hear Naruto and Sasuke's conversation.

"Guys?" she asked.

Naruto and Sasuke were too busy pulling each other's hair shouting at each other.

"I'm not getting involved in this." She said, walking away quickly.

"Nice job Sasuke, you drove her off." Naruto said.

"No, you made her leave." Sasuke said with small tears in his eyes.

"Oh dear God, please don't cry again." Naruto begged.

Sasuke sniffled. "I'm sensitive…"

"Yeah, I realized that!" Naruto laughed.

"For your information, girls dig sensitivity." Sasuke said.

"No they don't! They like tough guys who are going to become Hokage! Believe it!" shouted Naruto. Everybody stared at Naruto as he punched his fists into the air.

_Meanwhile… (Again)_

Kiba was staring into Hinata's pale eyes.

"K-Kiba-kun? What are y-you d-doing?" asked Hinata.

Kiba got alarmed and sat up straight.

"Nothing…" he said, trying to act cool. Kiba walked over the school bulletin board. Once he saw the poster, his eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Hinata, look at this!"

Hinata walked over to the bulletin board and a slight red blush spread on her face. "I w-wonder w-who Naruto-kun is g-going with…" said Hinata quietly.

Kiba looked at her blankly. _'I wonder who Naruto is going with…'_ that question kept echoing in his mind…which got him thinking…Who was Naruto going with?

_Back to Tenten and Neji!_

Neji was sitting attentively in science class writing down his notes when a paper air plane hit him in the eye.

"…" Neji said.

"Hey, Neji are you ok?" asked Ino.

"Yeah… What ever." Neji said, trying to pull the airplane out of his eye, but was unsuccessful.

"Is it stuck?" asked Chouji.

"Who threw that?" the teacher asked.

"Uhm… Me?" Tenten said.

The teacher sighed and looked at Neji, who was now tugged at the piece of paper.

"Neji, go to the nurse."

Neji grumbled and walked towards the door.

_Back to Sasuke and Naruto…_

Naruto wrote a note and shaped it into an air plane. _'This will help me get to Sakura before Sasuke does!'_ thought Naruto.

_We all know how this paper air plane turned out the last time…this one turned out differently…_

On the note, Naruto wrote…

_Dear my future date…_

_Sasuke is such a loser! He has no life! Believe it! Why would you want to go to the dance with a loser with no life? You could probably cut your hand on his hair! Damn emos! That's probably why he wears it like that! I may have gotten a 63 percent on the last test we had… but on life, Sasuke scored a 17 percent. So please go to the dance with me!_

_Yours truly, Naruto_

Naruto kissed the letter. "Ouch, a paper cut!" he said, holding his lip as he threw the plane. It missed Sakura's desk and flew out the window, into the 12th grade hallways.

Suddenly, the bell rang. Naruto walked to his locker, but was stopped on the way by Itachi.

He had a crumpled piece of lined paper in his hands.

"Not even if I were gay." He said as he threw it at Naruto's head and shoved him against the lockers.

"Sasuke has strange friends." Itachi said as he walked away.

Naruto un-crumpled the note. There was the note for Sakura.

"Aww man… Another crappy misunderstanding."

_Back to Hinata and Kiba!_

Kiba was busy…again…staring into Hinata's white-lavender eyes. "K-kiba-kun… What a-are you s-s-staring at?"

"Nothing at all, nothing at all…" Kiba said.

"Is t-there something w-wrong?" asked Hinata worriedly.

"Ok fine…" said Kiba with a sigh. "Hinata…will you go to the dance with me?"

Hinata looked at him wide-eyed. "M-m-me?" she said shockingly.

"Yeah…" Kiba said. "It was a bad idea, forget it."

"N-no, I'll g-go." Hinata said.

Right now, Kiba was screaming 'Yes! Oh yeah! Go me!' in his mind.

"Okay, I'll see you at the dance then!"

"Alright…" Hinata said, a light shade of pink as the bell rung. She walked out the door.

Behind her, Kiba was dancing.

"Hell yes!" he yelled with joy. "I'm going to the dance with Hinata! Yes! Time for a victory song!" Kiba grabbed a radio from nowhere in particular and put in a random CD. The radio began the beat. Kiba started to pop, lock, and drop. "Oh yeah! Time to re-mix this! Hey Sasuke come over here!"

Sasuke sighed and walked over to him. "Kiba…what could you possibly want?" said Sasuke.

"Time for a song just for you!" said Kiba, still dancing. "Fergalicious definition! Make them boys go-"

"You're pathetic." Sasuke said with his arms crossed.

"I'd like to see you do better!" said Kiba, doing the shoulder lean.

"Ok fine then. Play the song over."

Kiba look the radio and started it over.

"Emolicious definition, make them goths go crazy! Take a knife and screw your life no one can cut their wrists like me. I'm emolicious to the e to the m to the o to the licious, to the e to the m to the o to the licious emolicous! I'm so hot, emolicious! I cut my wrists and it smarts, emolicious hold, hold, hold, hold up I'm an emo!" Sasuke was now break dancing. He hopped up, crossed his arms and said, "Emolicious."

"S-sasuke-kun?!" said Sakura, trying not to crack up. She was obviously taking a walk around campus with Ino, talking about girl stuff, the usual.

Sasuke looked at her wide eyed. "How did you…where did you come from?"

All of a sudden Sakura and Ino burst out laughing. "You…you were dancing!" laughed Sakura.

"And s-singing!" finished Ino. They were both rolling on the ground laughing.

"It wasn't that funny, was it?"

Kiba started to laugh. "Y-yes." He said.

Sasuke dropped hit head and stuffed his fists into his pockets and walked away.

Sasuke didn't see where he was going, and was so depressed that he didn't even noticed Deidara walked in front of him and bumped into him.

"I need a hug, no one likes me." Sasuke cried and he wrapped his arms around Deidara's waist.

"Aww its ok- Wait a second what the hell are you doing, un?!" Deidara said as his voice seemed to crescendo.

"P-people are m-making fun of me!" cried Sasuke as he dug his face into Deidara's chest.

"Since when do I care about your problems, un? Get off of me, un!" yelled Deidara as he pushed Sasuke away. Sasuke fell down but grabbed his foot.

"I'm not letting go!" said Sasuke, getting tears all over Deidara's shoes.

"You know…This is why whenever you ask out a girl, they say no, un. They realize that you're a big wimp, un." Deidara said as he tried to pry Sasuke off.

"Oh, is that so?" Sasuke asked in disbelief. "Any girl in the school would want to go out with me. Watch this."

He walked over to Sakura who was talking quietly to Ino.

"Hey, Sakura." Sasuke said, trying to act cool and calm. "You want to go to the dance with me?"

"Sasuke-kun, you used to always reject me when I was littler… I don't know…"

Deidara started to laugh.

"Stand back, little one, and watch a pro, un." Deidara said, pushing Sasuke to the side.

"Hey, what's your name, un?" Deidara asked Sakura.

"Haruno Sakura." She replied. "Uh… Who are you?"

"Deidara, un. So Sakura, you want to go to the dance with me, un?"

"Uh, sure!" she said.

"But… But why him, not me? You knew me for years, but you just met him!"

"I told you, un!" Deidara said with Sakura holding his hand.

Sasuke then sank to the emo corner of self-pity.

"Woe is me?" Sasuke asked.


	19. Brotherly Advice

**FantasyFreak03: **They can get along sometimes…. Yeah I'm talking about the Uchiha brothers. They have their moments! They don't last long…but they have them…then get into the whole "I'm going to kill you" thing…

Part Two: Brotherly Advice

_The Next Day, the day of the dance…_

At the bell a mob of girls formed at Itachi's desk.

"Hey, Itachi-kun!" They all said with flirty smiles.

"…" he said.

"They dance is coming up." One of them giggled. "And I want you to go with me."

He girls gave each other death glares. "He's mine!" shouted one girl as she held her fist up in the air.

"No he's mine!" shouted another girl.

Soon enough, all of the girls were shouting and fighting over Itachi. He sat up and stared to walk to his next class.

Sasuke was walking around the school looking for Itachi. Now, he was so worried that he accidentally bumped into him.

Sasuke is so wimpy…and Itachi is so tough… when Sasuke bumped into him, he fell to the floor. Ino saw this and immediately said, "Hey, Sasuke, are you alright!"

"Yeah…" he said as he sat up and rubbed his head. "I think my head broke the fall."

"Aww… I thought you were hurt I was getting exci-… I mean ok it's good that you're ok!" said Ino nervously as she ran away.

"Little brother…what are you doing here?" asked Itachi coolly.

Sasuke stared angrily into his black eyes. He finally relaxed than sighed. "I need some girl advice…." He said slowly.

"Wait I thought you were gay." Itachi said.

Sasuke started to cry. "I am not gay!"

"Don't worry, a few weeks of therapy can get rid of that." Itachi said consolingly. "So what's your problem?"

"Everything… I know absolutely nothing! People make fun of me for it!"

"Quiet, foolish little brother!" whispered Itachi, clamping his hand over Sasuke mouth. "People can hear you all over campus!"

Imagine how this looks…. Teachers and students walking by, to see a 12th grader, his hand cover a little boy's mouth, and the kid squirming. Honestly, it looks like Sasuke is getting beat up by his big brother.

When teachers and students walked by, Itachi kept his hand over his brother's mouth, and nodded to them, "Sup."

Sasuke grabbed Itachi's hand and ripped it off of his mouth. "You know I couldn't breath, right?" Sasuke yelled, breathing heavily.

"Yes…Why do you think I did it to you?"

"Because you love me…" Sasuke said with a smile.

Itachi gave Sasuke a death glare. "Yeah…right… So anyway… What was your problem again?"

"Why do they reject me so?" Sasuke asked with small tears in his eyes.

"Ok…First of all…You have to stop crying all of the time." said Itachi while smacking Sasuke in the back of the head.

"But I can't help it…" said Sasuke, trying to hold in his tears. "And girls love sensitive guys."

"Who the hell told you that?"

"Orochimaru... He gets a lot of girls, right?" asked Sasuke.

"No, he gets little boys by kidnapping them." said Itachi.

"I believe I've heard that before…." said Sasuke, remembering what Sakura said at Naruto's sleepover.

"Here…You need some practice. Now go up to Sakura and make a scene." Itachi said as he pushed his brother over to Sakura.

"B-but…" Sasuke didn't get to finish, he was already next to Sakura. "S-Sakura!"

"Hey, you left your emo corner already? You usually stay there for weeks…" Sakura said.

"Want to go the dance with me?" asked Sasuke, who was pale and was trembling slightly.

"Wait a second."

Sasuke looked behind him and there was Itachi. _'What the hell is he trying to pull? Making me ask out a girl…then stopping me? Did I do something wrong?'_ thought Sasuke.

"I'm afraid that she isn't going to go with you, because she's with me." laughed Itachi, putting his arm around Sakura's shoulder.

"What the hell?" said Sasuke as he grabbed Itachi's arm. "Come here." Sasuke pulled Itachi over to the side.

"What are you doing?" asked Sasuke quietly.

"It's brotherly competition. And also I love laughing at your pain and misery." said Itachi as he pushed Sasuke into a locker and shut the door.

"My pancreas!" cried Sasuke as he tried to break out of the locker.

Itachi walked over to Sakura and gave her a smile. "Now where were we?"

"Leaving." said Sakura as she started to walk away quickly.

Itachi grabbed her shoulder. "Hey what's the matter? You don't like me? Come on, walk with me." 

Sasuke started to kick the door with his foot, and eventually broke it down. He started gasping for air.

"Itachi! How dare you!" he shouted.

"How youthful! That's my locker!" yelled Lee. "I swear, if I cannot fix this door in 25 minutes, I will take 1,000 laps around the school!" he shouted.

Sasuke looked at Lee wide eyed with shock, and he was about to run quickly over to Itachi, Sakura, and Ino…but had a better idea…

Itachi was trying to get Sakura to like him, "I'm not really a big fan of pink, but I guess you could make me reconsider." He said, making his eyes sparkle in the sunlight from the windows.

"Umm…" said Sakura as she took a step back from him.

"What's wrong Sakura?" said Itachi as he moved closer to her.

Sakura whispered something into Ino's ear. Ino nodded her head.

"Look…" started Ino. "I'll give you five dollars if you leave Sakura alone."

"Sorry, but money doesn't interest me." said Itachi as he pushed Ino out of the way.

"Super emo-plumber is here to save the day!" said Sasuke in a heroic voice. Ok…Sasuke was wearing black underwear on his head (Most likely from the boy's locker room), had a red cape that was actually a towel, and held up a plunger in his hand. On his towel-cape, it had a giant black letter E that he drew on with marker.

"Thanks, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted as she and Ino ran away quickly.

Itachi looked back at Sasuke. "Was that really necessary?" he sighed.

"Yes, because I am here to battle evil, like you! Prepare yourself!"

_Meanwhile, with Sakura and Ino…_

Sakura and Ino were running as fast as they could and ran into their class.

"Why are you two girls so late?" the teacher yelled.

"We're sorry, Sakura dropped her books in the middle of the hall way and all of her papers fell out so we picked them all up."

"Very well… Take your seats."

"Why do you think he was doing that?" Sakura whispered.

"I don't know." said Ino as she relaxed against her seat. "But did you get a look at Sasuke? He looked like a kid who escaped from the mental hospital."

"I think that was really sweet that he made that distraction for us…" Sakura said.

The bell rang, and everyone left the classroom.

"They're all in that weird gang. I think they call themselves the Akatsuki or something… They're really a strange bunch." Ino said.

"Who is?"

Sakura was startled for a second, but calmed down immediately.

"Who were you talking about?" asked Deidara with a smile.

"Itachi." said Ino. "Such a weird guy… Scared Sakura half to death… Come on, Sakura, we'll be late again if we don't hurry."

"Right… Bye, Deidara!"

Deidara walked to his next class and sat next to Itachi.

"Hey, what did you do to Sakura?" Deidara whispered.

"Trying to make her go to the dance with me…" Itachi whispered back.

"Why? She's going with me, you know."

"I could ask you the same question…"

"To show your little brother how to get a girl without crying."

"To make my little brother's life more miserable."

"Haha… Nice…" 


	20. The Dance Of Doom: Part 2

**FantasyFreak03: **The dance is _finally_ here. After all of those asking out and everything…It's finally here!

The Dance

_The night before the dance…_

Sakura was sitting next to Deidara on the bus ride home.

"So how are you Deidara?" said Sakura with a big smile on her face.

"It's all good, un." said Deidara while moving closer to Sakura. "I'm still picking up for the dance tonight, right, un?"

"Yeah it's going to be great." said Sakura as she put her head on Deidara's shoulder. "Ino doesn't have a date though…she's hoping to find a guy at the dance."

"Shweet, un." said Deidara as he put his arm around Sakura.

Sakura looked up at him, cocking one eyebrow and laughed, "What?"

"Yes…shweet, un. I new word I invented, un. I don't stick with the original 'sweet, un.'" said Deidara with a laugh.

Behind them was Sasuke, who was sitting in the emo corner of self-pity.

"Why can't I get a date?" he cried to himself. "I may not be as good looking as Itachi, but I still have the hot Uchiha look!"

Ino moved into Sasuke's seat. "Sas-" she didn't get to finish.

"Are you here as a guardian angel to answer my prayer for a date to the dance?" asked Sasuke with joy.

"No I'm just here to tell you that you have a huge wad of gum in your hair…and to recommend some zit cream because that zit his _huge_!"

"It has a charm to it…" he said depressed, tugging the gum out of his hair. And of course, this just made small tears form at his eyes. He could bear his beautiful, raven-black Uchiha hair tearing ever so slowly out of his scalp.

Itachi stared at Sasuke and shook his head.

_Later at the dance…_

So far, Ino had danced with at least ten boys so far, and was having the time of her life. She spotted Sakura sitting in a chair, drinking a soda.

"Hey, Sakura!" she shouted, as she sat next to her.

"Hi." Sakura said.

"So…" Ino smiled and elbowed her.

"So what?"

"Stop acting so clueless! How is it with Deidara?" Ino asked anxiously.

"I haven't seen him yet. We got out of the car, we went in and he said he'd be back in a while and left. Where do you think he went?"

"I have no idea. But I'll look in the crowd and look." said Ino with a smile as she walked back in the crowd.

"Me too…" Sakura said, as she searched the crowd.

On the other side of the dance floor, was our nervous couple, Hinata and Kiba. Kiba finally got over his fear of embarrassing himself in front of Hinata and asked her to dance.

Hinata started to fidget with her fingers nervously.

The song was set to Kiba's favorite song….Fergalicious….

"Oh t-this is m-my song!" said Hinata with a shy smile.

Kiba looked at her wide eyed. "Me too!" he said. "Well, let's dance!"

They danced…and they sang:

"Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco  
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo  
You can see me, you can't squeeze me  
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy  
I got reasons why I tease 'em  
Boys just come and go like seasons…"

Sasuke ran between them and started break dancing. Again…he sang:

"Emolicious definition, make them goths go crazy! Take a knife and screw my life, no one can cuts their wrists like me. I'm emolicious! To the e to the m from the o to the licious. I'm not hot, I'm emolicious. I cut my wrists and it smarts. Emolicious hold hold hold hold up I'm an EMO!"

Everybody took a step away from Sasuke.

Sasuke got tears in his eyes. "You guys are the worst!" he cried as he ran into the bathroom. Well, he ran into the girls' bathroom at first. You could hear girly, shrilly screams, and Sasuke ran into the boys' bathroom.

Everybody looked at Itachi with that 'Oh my God _that's_ your brother?!' look on. Itachi just stood there…Wishing he was someplace else.

Behind Hinata and Kiba was Neji, leaning against the wall looking cool. He was searching the crowd for Tenten. _'Where could she be…Did somebody ask her?'_ thought Neji.

He walked slowly around dancing people, searching for her and possibly her date when he bumped into someone and got soda all over his shirt.

"Oh I'm sorry!" said the voice.

"It's ok…" said Neji as he helped pick up the shattered glass.

"Did the shards hit you?" asked the voice.

Her voice seemed to get more familiar to him now. He knew it was a girl… "Yeah…just in the side of the head. But I'm okay."

She giggled. "What's your name?"

"Hyuuga Neji." He said proudly.

"Neji?! Is that you?"

"Huh? Wait…Tenten?"

"Yes Neji it's me!" she squealed with joy. They both stood up. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you!"

"I was looking for you…"said Neji, pressing his hand against the side of his head. He brought his hand to his face, revealing a dark red liquid. "You know I was serious about that glass shard thing right?"

"Really?" gasped Tenten. "Come on, I'll get some napkins."

Tenten and Neji forgot to clean up their mess on the ground, so almost the whole night people were slipping on blood, soda, and landing on glass. Sucks to be them.

_On the other side of the dance floor…_

Sakura was sitting on a chair, a big red blush and a dreamy, far off smile on. Ino walked over to her.

"Sakura, what is with you? Did you find Deidara?"

She started to blush even more. "Yes….I did find him…"

"So, what happened? Why are you blushing so mu-"Suddenly realization struck Ino. "You didn't make out or something did you…?" Ino started giggling.

"No way, nothing like that! We just kissed when that slow song was playing."

"Was that your first kiss?"

"Yeah…" Sakura started to giggle.

"Sakura… A quiet, innocent, smart girl, and an Akatsuki member, notorious for being stoic and ruthless… Two complete opposites who fall in love. I should write a novel about that… A best seller!" Ino giggled.

"Oh shut up." Sakura laughed.

"I'm going to go get a drink." Ino said as she walked away.

"Hey, Cherry Blossom." said a voice as soon as Ino was out of hearing distance.

"What..?" Sakura turned around to see Itachi.

"Not you again…" she sighed.

Itachi sat next to Sakura.

"So, are you having fun?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, until you came along…" Sakura mumbled.

"Are you sure?" Itachi smirked and leaned closer to her.

Sakura paled, and looked helplessly around and spotted a large crowd around Sasuke… 

_What's he doing?_ Sakura thought… That's until she saw a shirt flying out of the crowd.

"You know, Sasuke's stripping." Sakura said to Itachi.

"Again? Damn it, I told him not to do that!" Itachi said, frustrated.

"Foolish little brother, stop it right now!" Itachi yelled as he walked into the crowd.

_Back to Tenten and Neji…_

Tenten had a wet rag and was wiping it on Neji's wound. "There we go…" she said.

"…" Neji said.

"It doesn't look that bad, really… At least you don't have gum in your hair like Sasuke…"

"…I hate that Uchiha." Neji grumbled.

"…Hold on, be right back, I have to throw this away." Tenten said. Unfortunately, someone had spilt their drink on the floor. She slipped and fell right into Neji's arms…

_Yes, the chapter is done… I'm just that evil to leave it like that!_


	21. The Dance Of Doom: Part 3

**FantasyFreak03: **I know what you're all thinking…When is this dance going to end?! Don't worry…This is the last dance chapter.

Tenten looked up at Neji. Her face was dark red, embarrassed that she fell, yet flattered that he caught her.

"Uhmm…" Tenten laughed nervously.

Neji's face stood serious.

"N-Neji… What's wrong?" Tenten asked. She tried to stand up, but he refused to let her go.

Neji slowly looked into her chocolate brown eyes. He lowered his head to hers and softly kissed her pink lips. (A/N: I know what you're all thinking, 'Oh noes, not another NejiTenten kiss scene!' But Liz and I agreed that the story needed some romance.)

Tenten's blood was boiling under her pale skin, but soon enough she responded and kissed back. Neji wrapped his arms around her waist and continued the kiss,

Ino ran over to them and giggled, "Oh you two love birds have fun!" as she ran away. Neji and Tenten paid no attention to her…they were too engaged in their romantic kissing scene.

_Meanwhile…_

Deidara was sitting next to Sakura on a chair. "Ugh... What are they doing now? Wait one second, I need to see what's going on now." He said as he got up.

"Don't take long!" she giggled as she watched him walk away.

Hiding behind people, Naruto said to himself, "Yes! Now's my chance!" as he ran over to Sakura. He sat down on the chair next to her. "So Sakura-chan…How is everything?"

"Nice… How about you?"

"Oh, I'm good. You're so polite, that's why I love you." Naruto said.

Sakura stared into the crowd wide-eyed. "Oh…my…God…" she said with her eyes almost popping out of her head.

"What?" Naruto looked behind him… "Holy crap!" he shouted.

Behind them was Sasuke…running around the dance floor without his shirt. Itachi was chasing him and shouting, "Get back here, foolish little brother!"

"This is for you, baby!" Sasuke yelled to Sakura.

Sasuke was running as fast as he could. He was heavily breathing and look behind him. Itachi was still coming after him. Every time Sasuke looked back, Itachi was closer to him.

"Aah!" Sasuke yelled as he ran past people.

"You just wait until I catch up to you!"

All of a sudden, Sasuke slipped on the blood and soda mess and of course…landed on glass. He put his hand on his back to try and stop the blood from pouring out of his wound.

"Ouch!" Sasuke groaned.

Itachi was laughing. "Foolish little brother. You should know better then to run from me. Bad luck strikes those who try to escape…"

Sasuke was crying. "You're so mean…" Sasuke's voice trailed off. His face grew pale and corpse like. His strength faded away and his eyes rolled back.

"Did Sasuke-kun just die?" asked Ino.

"No…" said Itachi. "He fainted from blood loss. Like that Hyuuga kid did a while ago."

Neji stopped kissing Tenten for a second. "Hey that's not fair. It wasn't my fault." He said, then immediately went back to kissing her.

"Well that's taken care of…" said Kiba with a smile. "Maybe we can get back to dancing now?"

"Yeah, sure." said the D.J, who was actually Gaara.

"Gaara? Is that you?" asked Temari.

"I'm a better D.J than you all so just shut up." He said as he started the music.

Temari just shrugged her shoulders then went back to dancing with Shikumaru.

Deidara came back to Sakura. "I'm back." He said with a smile.

"What happened?" asked Sakura.

"Something about Kisame getting caught and being cooked, I really don't know." He sighed.

Sakura looked at what she was eating which was a fish stick. She immediately paled and threw the fish stick out.

Sasuke's color returned to his face. He got some of his strength back and sat up slowly. "Oww…my head…" he said.

Itachi saw Sasuke get up and got an angry look on his face. "What did I tell you about stripping in public?"

"It's good?" Itachi whacked Sasuke on the back of the head.

"No, it's _bad_."

"Why are you mothering me?" Sasuke cried.

"You need some discipline…and counseling." said Itachi.

"Oh and _you_ are going to give it to me?"

"Yes…it was in Mom and Dad's will." said Itachi with a smile as he pulled out a piece of paper. It read:

_Dear Sasuke,_

_  
If we die, and if you suddenly turn into an emo, let Itachi give you counseling. We believe in him!_

_Mamma and Papa Uchiha._

Sasuke stared at the piece of paper blankly.

"You carry that around with you?"

"…Yeah."

"That's creepy."

Itachi, again, whacked his brother on the back of the head.

"Don't talk to your older brother like that."

Well, it turns out that the Akatsuki smuggled in some alcohol to the dance, and all of the members drank some… Well except Deidara… who was kind of busy (cough cough)

When the dance was over, everyone started to walk home.

Sasuke tripped and fell a few times. "That's not the way to walk!" shouted Itachi. "Stand up straight! Relax your shoulders! Bathe!"

Sasuke gave him a death glare, got up and started to walk again. "No, you're doing it all wrong!" counseled Itachi.

Neji was carrying Tenten on his back, because she sort of fainted after their kiss. Kiba and Hinata held hands as they walked together.

Now Sakura intentionally wanted to walk next to Deidara, but he got jealous stares from Sasuke and Naruto.

_Must… Surpass… Older brother…_ Sasuke thought over and over.

Ino was enjoying the whole show.

Itachi was a little unsteady from the drinking and occasionally tripped and fell.

"Hey, Sasuke, is your brother okay?" Sakura asked.

"Oh sure, you care about him, but not me!" Sasuke accused jealously.

"Walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin', walkin'…" Itachi sang.

"He looks… Intoxicated…" Sakura continued.

"What?"

"…Drunk."

"Oh, why didn't you say so? And yeah, that's probably the cause…" Sasuke said.

"Alright, this is my house… See you, Hinata" Kiba said.

"B-bye." Hinata said shyly and kissed him on the cheek.

After Kiba left, Ino took a turn and walked to the Yamanaka residence, and Neji decided it would be best to take Tenten to her room (Not like that, guys! Honestly…). He caught up to the group, and Hinata and him departed with the group and walked to the Hyuuga estate. When Sakura's house came, Naruto, Sasuke, Deidara and Itachi tried to give her a kiss, but she was pretty freaked out and ran to her house. Naruto ran after her. ("Wait, Sakura-chan! I can change!" he yelled)

Itachi soon fainted after that.

"…Come on, let's go." Deidara said as he slung Itachi over his shoulder. When Deidara's stop came, he handed him to Sasuke.

"All yours." Deidara said as he walked into his house.

"I knew I shouldn't have skipped Gym." Sasuke groaned as he attempted to carry Itachi down the street to their house.

Sasuke dragged Itachi to the door. "Oh great!" Sasuke said to himself. "Itachi has the key in his pant's pocket!"

Itachi lied on the ground moaning.

"I can't believe I'm doing this… This looks so vile." Sasuke said as he dug his hands in Itachi's pocket.

"Let's see uh…Poison no… Needle… no… Knives no…aha! Here it is! The key!" Sasuke said as he put the key into the keyhole.

He dragged Itachi into the den. "I can't pull you any further! You're sleeping on the floor!"

"I swear I didn't cut the brake line the day before Mom and Dad drove to the city." Itachi mumbled as he turned over in his drunken sleep.

"Haha… What a strange guy." Sasuke laughed as he walked up the stairs.


	22. Naruto's Illusions

**FantasyFreak03: **The Naruto characters on an average school day! Oh dear God…someone help us!

Sakura sat patiently in class, copying the notes in class.

"Hey, Sakura," Ino whispered. "Deidara said to meet him outside the school near the gym, okay? And he said to take the detour around the tenth grade lockers, Sasuke's stripping there."

"Deidara's so funny." Sakura laughed.

When the bell rang, Sakura walked outside the class through the halls and saw a large crowd.

The crowd was formed around Sasuke. His shirt flew in the air and people were cheering him on.

"Dear God!" Sakura yelled. "I thought he was joking!" Sakura ran as fast as she could away from Sasuke.

She ran outside and walked towards the gym entrance and waited.

'_Where is he…?'_ She thought.

"Hey Cherry Blossom..." said a familiar voice.

Sakura sighed.

Itachi stood next to Sakura. "So what are you doing here? School's over."

Sakura slowly inched away from him. "I could ask you the same question…" she mumbled. "So what do you want from me?"

Itachi moved closer to her "I have a question."

"Are you going to ask it?"

"What's so special about Deidara? What does he have that I don't?"

Sakura scowled at him. "You'd be surprised, because he has a lot of things that you don't. Deidara _listens_ to me. He's funny, smart, kind…" Sakura trailed off.

"Pathetic..." he said, wrapping an arm around her waist.

Sakura gasped and tried to escape but he refused to let go.

"What are you-" Sakura tried to complete her sentence, but was unable to. Itachi had kissed her, right there. For a second Sakura was too shocked to do anything, but immediately raised her hand to slap him. He noticed this and with his free hand held her arm down.

'_Oh… You bastard…'_ Sakura thought.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was in the tree next to the gym…

"No… This is impossible! Itachi beat me!" Sasuke said in disbelief. Suddenly he dug his hands into his pockets. "Where is it? Here it is!" Sasuke said as he took out a shiny razor. He placed it delicately to his hands and slid it across… I'm not going to get too detailed in that

Suddenly, Naruto was running towards the group. He was out of breath when he reached them.

"Guys, listen- Wait, last time I checked you were dating Deidara, Sakura-chan." Naruto said.

"Help… me…" Sakura said, then Itachi crashed his lips back on hers.

"Strange… But anyway, you've got to help me! Sasuke's gay and wants to make out with me!" Naruto yelled, waving his arms around.

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked.

"…Now look, he's stalking me!"

"…I'm not stalking you. You just happened to be in the same place as me at the same time."

"The first step is denial."

Well… I'm guessing you'd like an explanation why Naruto is acting so strangely. Here's a flash back!

_Naruto sat under a tree reading a book, bored to tears._

"_So the duck becomes beautiful… The end… What a crappy ending!"_

_Sasuke was sitting on a branch above._

"_Let me guess… You're flunking classes so your English teacher told you to read something that you can comprehend"_

"_Something like that…" Naruto said, turning the book upside down and side to side._

"_You making me want to cut myself…" said Sasuke as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'll cut myself in this tree…"_

_Something suddenly hit Naruto's head…_

"_Hey, can you hand that back to me?" Sasuke asked with his hands splattered with blood._

_Naruto reached on top of his head and pulled the razor out… _

"_Aah!" Naruto screamed. "Sasuke-teme's emo razor landed on my head!" In Naruto's pain and agony, he hit his head on the tree._

"_Ouch…" Naruto whimpered._

**(The things that he thinks they say in his delusional state are in Italics)**

"_Naruto… I love you so much… Please, I'm desperate… Kiss me." _

"No way, Sasuke! I know that you can't help but fall for my charm, but don't even think about kissing me!"

"What are you talking about?"

"_You know… You look kind of… cute in your uniform…"_

"Now he's flirting with me… Stay back, I'm warning you!" shouted Naruto as he ran away from Sasuke.

"…What?"

"_Naruto come back! I need you!"_

"I'm not gay!" he yelled over his shoulder as he ran away.

End of Flashback!

"He's delusional…" Sakura said. Itachi had finally broke away from the kiss and walked away.

"_Naruto… I love you." _

"You do?"

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked.

"_I always had…"_

Naruto held her face with his hands. "Well, I can't let a lady down…" he said, then kissed her.

"Naruto, let go of her…" Sasuke said.

"_No, Naruto! I need you!"_

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke… How many times must we go over this? I'm not gay like you."

"I'm not gay…" Sasuke sniffed as he walked away sadly.

"_Fine… I'll leave you alone since I love you so much."_

Sakura saw her chance and whacked Naruto on the head.

"Hey, Sakura, yeah! Sorry I'm late. Kisame was mistaken as the school lunch again, yeah… But I just wanted to warn you that Naruto is delusional- Oh, I guess you knew, yeah." Deidara said, looking at the unconscious Naruto.

_Several hours later…_

"Huh? Where am I? Wait a second… I'm cured!" Naruto yelled.


	23. If Itachi Were Blind

**FantasyFreak03: **What would happen if Itachi was blind? This is NOT an alternate universe thing… It's the real Naruto world…

Itachi was silently sleeping in his bed. "Richie…" he mumbled in his sleep. "You… Took the last cookie….Die!" Itachi said as he tossed back and forth. Itachi alarmingly lifted up his head.

He looked around…everything was pitch black. "Hmm… Still night…" he said as he tried to go back to sleep.

"Itachi wake up…" Zetsu said as he shook Itachi's shoulder. "It's 12:00 in the afternoon. You missed the meeting."

Itachi moaned and sat up. He slowly opened his eyes only to meet darkness. "Why is it so dark?" he asked sleepily.

"What?"

"It's all black…"

"This isn't good…" said Tobi worriedly.

"Hey, when did you get in my room?"

"Tobi was here the whole time!" Tobi said.

"What's going on?"

"Here he is Leader-sama, yeah." said Deidara as he led the Akatsuki leader into Itachi's bedroom. (A/N: I'm not really sure what they call him, but I'm just guessing… hehe.)

"…" Itachi said.

"Hm… I'm sorry to say this Itachi but…" Leader's voice trailed off.

"But what?"

"You're an orphan…you're actually related to that Hyuuga kid."

"…What?"

The leader laughed. "Nah…just kidding. You're just blind."

"_Just _blind?"

"How did you go blind? Was it over use of the Mangekyo Sharingon?"

"Something like that…" said Itachi as he began to remember…

_**Flash Back!**_

"I apologize Itachi-san, but Tobi is going to win this contest!" Tobi said.

"You are sadly mistaken, because I will be the sun-staring master." said Itachi as he struggled to keep looking at the sun.

"Go Itachi go!" cheered Deidara. "You can do it, yeah!"

"Come on Tobi hold on!" shouted Kakuzo. "I bet Deidara 50 bucks that you'd win, so you better win. Help me make an easy 50 dollars!" 

"I believe in you Itachi!" yelled Deidara as he jumped up and down. "I to the T to the-A-C-H-I! Itachi! Go Itachi you whoop-ass fangirl avoider, yeah!"

"Tobi, don't let me loose my money!" yelled Kakuzo. "T to the O to the…Oh who cares?"

"You're just jealous because Itachi is eviler than you, yeah." bragged Deidara.

"You're just jealous that Tobi is a good boy." said Kakuzo.

Deidara scowled at him. "You _know_ I can't be a good boy because of my special problem, yeah!"

"Being lactose intolerant is _not_ a problem."

"Shut up… yeah" Deidara mumbled as he looked away.

"Hurting much Itachi?" Tobi asked.

"No…" Itachi moaned. "What about… you?"

"No… This doesn't hurt Tobi one bit."

Itachi groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. "I can't take it anymore."

"Damn it, yeah!" cursed Deidara as he started handing his money over to Kakuzo.

"Hurray! I win!" Tobi yelled, doing his victory dance. (Which was the Macarena)

"How did you beat me…?" Itachi asked weakly, still covering his eyes.

Tobi laughed. "Check this out!" he took off his mask, under it was his orange goggles, which looked very similar to Obito's… Infact, if I didn't know any better, I would say they _were_ Obito's goggles.

"I hate you…" said Itachi.

"Ha! Tobi cheated! Now you owe _me_ 50 bucks yeah!" said Deidara proudly.

"No way, I won, the money's mine!" Kakuzu said as he walked away.

"Get back here you greedy, cheap bastard, yeah!" shouted Deidara as he ran after him.

_**End of Flashback!**_

"Well…I suppose we need to get him a seeing-eye-dog…" said Leader.

"No way!" shouted Kakuzo. "Why waste money on a dog that Zetsu will eat anyway?"

"I only did that once…" Zetsu sniffed.

"Well why don't you just use those 50 dollars that you stole from me and didn't give back, yeah?" yelled Deidara as he glared at him.

"Let's just use Kisame." said Leader. "Kisame, get over here!"

Kisame sleepily shuffled into the room in his shark pajamas. "What does everybody want?" he said, half asleep. "Can't you see that I was up all night? I had a bad dream that I got stuck in the fryer again and…"

Everybody looked at Kisame and gave him a creepy smile.

"What?"

They slowly advanced towards him.

Kisame started to run for his very dear life. Everybody tackled him to the ground and attached a harness to his back. "Get the leash! Get the leash, yeah!" said Deidara as he struggled to keep Kisame on the ground with the rest of them.

"Tobi will get the leash!" said Tobi as he reached to get the leash. "Itachi-san, hand Tobi the leash!"

"Ok…" said Itachi as he felt his way around the room. "Leash, leash, leash… I don't even know why we have a leash… Here it is!" he said as he handed him a snake.

"Thanks Itachi-san!" said Tobi, paying no attention to what Itachi had just handed him. "Here you go Deidara! Tobi got the leash!"

"Thanks Tobi, yeah!" he said, almost out of breath. He was too busy to even notice that it was a snake…What's wrong with these people? Deidara mean to clip the "leash" onto Kisame's harness, but missed, and clipped it on his back.

Kisame yelped in pain. "What the hell did you just put on me!" shouted Kisame.

Deidara looked at the leash and saw that it had scales. "Heh….oops, yeah!" he laughed, nervously scratching the back of his head.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Kisame yelled in pain.

Deidara grabbed the snake and gave it a yank, ripping Kisame's flesh, which made him let out a girly scream.

"Ok Tobi…get the _real_ leash, yeah!" sighed Deidara.

"Tobi will get the leash!" said Tobi happily. "Itachi-san, get the-"

"No Tobi!" shouted Deidara. "_You_ get the leash, yeah!"

"Aww…but Tobi is a good boy!"

"Now, yeah!"

Itachi grew impatient waiting. _'I wish I could see…' _he thought. _'I know how to lift the spirits!'_ Itachi grabbed a radio from out of nowhere (Yes, even the Akatsuki have a radio!) He pressed the button…and on came the Macarena. Itachi shrugged and started dancing.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and started at the now dancing Itachi.

Itachi paid not attention to then. He just said. "Hey Macarena! Aih!"

They all shook their heads and continued what they were doing. Tobi shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the leash. "You're one strange guy, Itachi-san…" Tobi mumbled as he walked back over to the dog-pile on Kisame.

"Tobi got the leash!" he said proudly.

"Hand it to me." said Leader, reaching his hand out.

Tobi handed him the leash. "Tobi got the right one this time!" he said with a smile. You couldn't really see it from under the mask but…

Anyway, the leader clipped the leash onto Kisame's harness.

"What are you doing?" asked Kisame.

"You're Itachi's seeing-eye-dog." said Sasori. (Yes, he is still alive… Because he's SMEXY!!!)

"Oh okay…Wait a second, why does Itachi need a seeing-eye-dog?"

"He's blind, yeah." Deidara said.

"_Blind?"_ gasped Kisame. "I don't believe it…"

"Hey Macarena!" Itachi said.

Kisame look back at them. "Yeah…he's blind alright."

Itachi stopped dancing. "W-who's here?! I heard a voice!" he said nervously.

"Who do you think?" said Kisame.

Itachi laughed nervously. "Oh Sasuke I uh…got tired of waiting for the Akatsuki members and uh…" his voice trailed off. "I'm going to kill you for so many reasons."

"Yeah I know- wait…what reasons?" asked Kisame.

"You know…for stealing the cookie, blaming it on Richie, so you won't tell anyone about when I was the fuzzy puppy in the school play when I was nine, so you won't tell anyone that I played with rubber duckies when I was twelve… They're all squeaky and stuff!"

Kisame burst out laughing.

"Sasuke, your laugh got really deep!" said Itachi in amazement.

"That's because it's not Sasuke you blind idiot! It's me, Kisame!" Kisame was rolling on the ground with laughter.

Paying no attention to Kisame's hysterical laughter, Itachi asked, "Did you get me a seeing eye dog?"

"Yep!" said Sasori happily as he yanked on Kisame's leash, which made him stop laughing and sat up straight. "Here you go!" Sasori handed Itachi the leash.

Itachi jumped up and down with joy. "Oh boy! I always wanted a puppy…I mean…pfft…That's cool." Itachi said as he grabbed the leash. "I haven't had a puppy since….That day…"

_**Another Flashback! Yay!**_

"Let me hold the puppy!" said our 7-year-old Itachi. "I promise I won't drop it!"

"All right then…" said Mamma Uchiha has she handed Itachi the little brown puppy.

"Gimme gimme gimme!" he said as he grabbed the puppy. "I'm going to call you Mr. SnuffleWuffelgus!" He gave the puppy a tight hug and giggled. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you!"

"Fuppely! Fuppely!" gurgled Baby Sasuke.

"My puppy!" said Itachi.

"Now, now Itachi. You need to learn to share." Papa Uchiha said.

"But I don't wanna!"

"Let your brother see the puppy, Itachi."

"Fine!" said Itachi reluctantly. "Here Sasuke." He lowered the puppy to Sasuke's face.

"Fuppely! Fuppely!" said Sasuke with a joy. Sasuke's smile quickly disappeared off his face and his stomach started to rumble. Sasuke had just finished eating Itachi's gummy-bear collection so he spit-up all over the puppy.

The puppy's face had little pieces of gummy-bear all over it mixed with milk and chocolate.

"Fuppely look funnay!" laughed Sasuke.

"My puppy!" cried Itachi. "You puked on my puppy!"

"Calm down Itachi." said Mamma Uchiha as she wiped off the puppy's face with a napkin. "See? He's fine."

Itachi stopped crying. "I guess he's ok now…" he said as he walked away.

Itachi loved that puppy so much. He played with it every day. They always took walks all over town; they skipped down the sidewalk together. That puppy was the only one who Itachi could sing in front of and he could admit that he watches Veggie Tales every night. Everything was going fine, until Itachi discovered something…

"Hey I learned a new shuriken technique! Look!"

Poor puppy never saw another day.

_**End of Flashback!**_

Itachi got little tears in his eyes. "That was a sad time…"

"What was?" asked Sasori.

"Nothing…" said Itachi as he swallowed down his tears. "I'm naming him…"

"Fishy-boy!" laughed Deidara.

"Tobi!" shouted Tobi. Everybody stared at him. "What? Tobi is a good name, and a good boy! It comes in the package!"

"I think we should name him fish-sticks." said Zetsu.

"I know! This-is-not-a-waste-of-my-precious-money!" said Kakuzo.

"I have an idea." Scowled Kisame. "How about Kisame?"

"I got it!" announced Itachi. "SnuffelWuffelgus Jr." 

"Jr.?" asked Deidara. "How is it Jr.?"

Everyone stared at Itachi. "Umm….I don't know?"

"Oh okay!" Tobi said happily.

"Akatsuki raid! Watch out, we're sneaking up on you!" yelled a voice as the door broke down. It was Naruto and team seven, along with Yamato and Sai. (We decided to drag them into public humiliation- I mean, give them a chance to shine?)

"Idiot!" said Sakura as she punched Naruto's cheek. "You're not supposed to kick down the door and scream out our plan!"

"Oops!" giggled Naruto. _'Oh my God she touched me!'_ he screamed in his mind.

Sakura walked up to Deidara. "Hey, weren't you missing your arms when I last saw you?" she asked.

"I get that a lot…" said Deidara as he put his head down.

Sasuke walked through the broken entrance.

"Hey Naruto, Sakura, long time no see. I've come to kill Itachi, so I suggest you stand aside."

"Sasuke!?" Sakura and Naruto yelled.

"Yeah, it's me… Hi… So where was I? Oh yeah! Itachi! I'm going to kill you!"

"Huh? Who said that?" said Itachi as he looked around. "Seeing-eye-dog! Attack!"

"I'm not attacking with a _harness_ and _leash_ on!"

"Mr. SnuffleWuffelgus Jr.! You can talk?!" shouted Itachi in amazement.

"I've always been able to talk."

"Really? Am I going deaf too?"

Sasuke walked over to Itachi. "Itachi…It's me, Sasuke. Your foolish little brother."

"Sasuke?! I'm going to kill you once I find out where you're standing!" shouted Itachi as he waved his arms in front of himself and walked in the opposite direction.

"Over here, Itachi." said Sasuke.

"Oh, thanks… Okay then!" said Itachi.

"Anyway, I'm going to kill you for killing the Uchiha Clan!" shouted Sasuke as he took back out his kunai.

"Wait, I killed the clan?" asked Itachi in amazement.

"Yeah…You did." said Sasuke.

"I'm so cool!" said Itachi as he hugged himself.

Sasuke slapped him on the head. "Get a hold of yourself."

"Dude!" shouted Sasori. "You're not supposed to hit a blind person!"

"Yeah dude." said Hidan. (Oh my God, Hidan finally got a line!) "You should know that. Even fucking Tobi knows that."

"You're coming with us." said Sasori as he lifted up Sasuke.

"Yeah!" agreed Tobi as he helped lift up Sasuke.

"No wait!" shouted Sasuke as he started to squirm. "I didn't know! Wait I'm sorry!"

Suddenly, Sasuke woke up and started to pant.

"What is it, Sasuke-kun?" Orochimaru asked.

"What a nightmare… Okay I'm going back to sleep." Sasuke said as he fell back asleep.

"You picked some strange kid, Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto said.

"Yeah… But he's got a hot body! I mean, I can't wait to take _over_ his body…!"

Kabuto slowly stepped away.


	24. Sasuke's Nightmare

**FantasyFreak03: **Sasuke is in Akatauki…Itachi is gay…Sakura is in a dog costume…this could only mean one thing…Sasuke's having a bad dream! A/U

Sasuke was sleeping soundly in his bed…and Itachi was watching him.

"If you say one more thing about me being gay in your sleep, I swear I will stab you with your own emo razor."

_**Sasuke's Dream…**_

"Sasuke-kun! The British are coming!" shouted Sakura, wearing a dog costume.

"Kneel down Sakura!" yelled Sasuke.

Sakura kneeled before him.

"Can I have my treat now?" she asked, looking up at him with puppy-dog eyes.

"You can only have it when you clean the toilet, you know that!" laughed Sasuke.

"Oh Sasuke-kun! You're so smart and I am so dumb!" said Sakura as she ran into Sasuke's arms.

"Oh Sakura…You know I can't be with you…" sighed Sasuke.

"Because your heart belongs to Itachi…" Sakura said sadly.

"Right." confirmed Sasuke. "So where is Itachi anyway?"

"I think he's teaching his dance class. You know how he is with his ballet classes." giggled Sakura.

"Yeah…I'd wish he'd stop. He's embarrassing me in front of the Akatsuki members." Sasuke sighed.

Itachi ran into the house. "Oh Sasuke! Where have you been!" he shouted, almost out of breath.

"….Here" said Sasuke.

"Oh…right." giggled Itachi. He ran into Sasuke's arms, leaned up against him and popped up one leg. "So how have you been, handsome?"

"Good." said Sasuke as he put his forehead up to Itachi's. "What have you been doing?"

Itachi giggled. "Stuff." He said as he let go of Sasuke and walked over the stairs. "I'm going swimming in the pool. Come if you want…" he laughed as he went upstairs.

Sasuke ran upstairs after him. "I almost forgot! Naruto wanted to talk to you for a minute."

"Oh well tell him it's over! I don't want to talk to him anymore…We broke up and it's over!" said Itachi while putting sunscreen on his leg.

"Ok I'll tell him." said Sasuke as he grabbed the phone and dialed Naruto's phone number: 555-5555.

_In Sasuke's dreams, everybody has the same phone number…and mostly everyone is gay._

Naruto answered. "Hello?"

"Naruto, Itachi said it's over, and he doesn't want to see you anymore."

Sasuke could hear Naruto sobbing over the phone. "That's just cruel!"

"Hey it's not my fault!"

Itachi was calling Sasuke from the doorway. "Oh Sasuke! They're here!"

"Who was that?" asked Naruto.

"Itachi." responded Sasuke.

"Yaoi!" Naruto shouted as he hung up.

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders and hung up the phone. "Who is it Itachi?" he called back.

"The pool boy and the maid!"

Sasuke ran down the stairs and at the door and saw his pool boy, Neji, and his maid, Tenten.

Tenten was wearing a French maid outfit on, and Neji had pants and a T-Shirt on.

"Isn't today my day off?" whined Tenten.

"Mine too." said Neji.

"No…Tenten you need to clean and Neji you need to clean the pool." constructed Itachi.

"But it's winter!" shouted Neji.

"Well that's too bad for you isn't it you little whiny pool boy?!" Sasuke shouted back.

"That's it I quit!"

"No don't go! If you don't whine anymore I'll raise your paycheck." Sasuke said, trying to convince Neji to stay.

"But you don't pay me!"

"Exactly…You are now getting paid 1 cent!" confirmed Sasuke. "Now get to work!"

Neji walked out the door.

"I don't supposed you're leaving are you Tenten?" asked Sasuke.

"No…" Tenten mumbled with her head down.

"Good! Now get to work!" shouted Sasuke.

Tenten slowly walked up the stairs.

Sasuke ran over to Itachi and grabbed his face. "Sasuke…" said Itachi. He didn't get to finish because Sasuke crashed his lips against his.

_**Real World!**_

Sasuke screamed as he awoke from his deep slumber. "Itachi is gay!"

"That's it!" said shouted Itachi as he stabbed Sasuke on the arm with his Emo razor.

"The emotional pain! The betrayal! My own razor too!" Sasuke said in pain as he pressed his arm against his bloody wound.

"I told you not to say it again…" said Itachi. "But you wouldn't listen…"

"Well you didn't have to frickin' stab me! You could have told me to stop!"

"Yeah but this way it more fun!" laughed Itachi as he walked back into his room.

Sasuke limped over to the door. He was pouring sticky crimson blood all over his black carpet. Oh you can just imagine how much Sasuke loves this!

"I…love….this…." Sasuke said weakly as he rolled over onto the ground. "This is…the greatest time…of my life…"

Sakura opened his door. "Emo!" she shouted then shut the door.

"Ra…ra…." Sasuke tried to make out the words. "Random…" he said as he passed out.


	25. Akatsuki Weaknesses

**FantasyFreak03:** Everybody has a weakness. Yes, it's finally time to expose some of the Akatsuki's weaknesses!

**Crimson Shukumei:** Nah, he just fainted from blood loss… Do you really think we'd kill him so early?

_**Deidara**_

Deidara was tip-toeing silently behind Kakuzu. He gradually reached his hand to Kakuzu's pocket…

"Yes!" shouted Deidara as he waved the wallet into the air and ran away.

"Hey what are you- That's_ my_ wallet!" yelled Kakuzu as he ran after Deidara.

"You'll never catch me, yeah!" shouted Deidara who started to laugh maniacally. Poor Deidara didn't look where he was going, and tripped over Kisame who was being forced to eat dog food by Itachi.

Kisame scowled at Itachi. "Just wait until you're sleeping, Itachi."

Deidara emitted a girly shriek as he fell to the floor.

Itachi waved his arms in front of himself. "Who's there? I heard a scream." he said as he touched Deidara's face.

"It's your mom, yeah." An annoyed Deidara said.

"Mom? Sasuke told me that I killed you, I knew you were still alive!" Itachi squealed with joy.

"You know Itachi why don't you just-"

He didn't get finish because Kakuzu picked him up and dropped him on a chair. Before Deidara could move, Kakuzu had tied him to it.

"Now Deidara, are you going to return my money?" asked Kakuzu.

"Never!" he shouted as he started to squirm.

"Okay then…" said Kakuzo as he took out a tray…

"No…No way! It can't be! Dairy products! No!" shouted Deidara as he started to squirm more and almost tipped over the chair.

Kakuzu took out a piece of string and wrapped it around a piece of cheese. He dangled it in front of Deidara's face. Deidara clamped his mouth shut.

"Open up Deidara. You know you want to!"

Deidara shook his head.

'_How can I get him to open his mouth…I have an idea…'_ Kakuzu thought. "Hey, Deidara what do you say at the end of everysentence?" asked Kakuzo.

"Oh please that's an easy one! I say yea-" Deidara was cut off because Kakuzu shoved a giant piece of cheese in his mouth.

Deidara was gagging on the cheese and spazzing out so much that the chair fell over.

Kakuzo kneeled down beside him. "Don't steal my money…" he said as he grabbed his wallet out of Deidara's pocket and untied him.

"Hey… Wait a second… I'm not lactose intolerant, yeah!" He dropped to the floor and held his stomach. "Never mind, I am, yeah."

_**Itachi**_

"I wonder where Kisame is… I haven't seen him in a while…"

"That's it, I can't take this anymore." Kisame said. Suddenly he sunk his teeth into Itachi's hand.

"…It seems as though my seeing eye dog has bit me… You bastard…" Itachi said.

Kisame ran away on all fours. _'That's it… I need my revenge!'_ he thought. An evil smirk spread across his face. _'And I know just the thing…'_

Itachi was sitting on a chair, still confused with what's going on. _'Where did he go? Why did he leave? Why am I asking myself these questions?'_ He sighed. _'Nobody loves me anymore…Except those fangirls…My God I hate them!'_

"Oh Itachi!" called Kisame.

"You left me all alone…" said Itachi. "No one leaves Uchiha Itachi alone without telling them where they are going or giving me a distraction so I won't notice like when my mother and father told me that Sasuke was wearing my ANBU uniform. For that you shall pay… Mangekyo Sharingon!"

What Itachi did not know was that Kisame held a mirror in front of himself. When Itachi activated the Mangekyo Sharingon he had captured himself.

"What's going on? Not again…"

_**Tobi**_

"I don't want to." Tobi said to Sasori.

"Come on! It's really good!" said Sasori as he held up the box.

"I don't want to watch that movie." said Tobi as he walked away.

"Wait!" Sasori called after him. "I'll pay you in colorful things!"

Tobi turned his attention to him. "What did you say?"

"I said I'll pay you in colorful things if you watch this movie with me." said Sasori with an evil smile.

"B-but you _know_ I can't resist the colorful things! They're so colorful so…pretty…."

"I got some right here." Sasori said as he pulled out a bag of jelly beans.

"C-c-c-colorful things! I…must…have them!" said Tobi as he jumped onto Sasori's back.

"Get off of me Tobi!" he shouted. "Or I'll throw the colorful things in a lake!"

Tobi quickly climbed off of Sasori's back. "No! Not the colorful things! They're so…pretty… It's like candy in a whole different way….must…get…Sasori just give them to me!"

"Only if you watch the movie." said Sasori as he lifted the bag of jelly beans out of Tobi's reach.

Tobi started to jump up and down for them. "Colorfullies! I'll get you!" He jumped as high as he could but still couldn't reach them. "Once again…you and I are separated…"

"Come on Tobi please watch it with me!" begged Sasori.

"Fine…But I'm only doing to for the colorful things." confirmed Tobi.

Tobi and Sasori walked past everyone to the T.V room. (Yes, they have a T.V. room. The leader won the lottery!)

Tobi sat down on the couch. "So what are we watching?" asked Tobi.

"You'll see…" said Sasori with an evil laugh. "Here are your colorful things." He threw Tobi the bag of jelly beans.

"Colorful things!" Tobi squealed with joy as he grabbed the bag out of the air and swallowed it whole. Tobi sat back and sighed. "Tobi loves colorful things…."

"Shh it's starting!" hushed Sasori.

"Need something to pick you up during the day?" said the T.V. "Try Kisame fish sticks! The new appetizer at McDonalds!"

Kisame walked into the room when this add was on. "McDonalds bastards…" he said as he dropped his head in sorrow.

"Ok _now_ it's starting!" Sasori sighed.

On came the song…

'_Bad boys, bad boys! Watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you?!'_

"No! Not the Bad Boys!" shouted Tobi as he started rolling in the ground. Tobi tried to calm himself down. "Tobi is a good boy….Tobi is a good boy…"

"Bad boys!" Sasori shouted in his ear.

Tobi got up and yelled. "They're coming for us!" he screamed as he ran into a wall.

"Whoa!" Sasuke said as he woke up from yet another nightmare. "I've got to stop drinking powdered water and eating soy broccoli late at night!" he said as he fell back asleep.

Yes, Orochimaru turned Sasuke anorexic. And yes, he does plan on buying him a Sai outfit. ("Oh he'll look so cute in it!" Orochimaru squealed.)


	26. Sexy SheMan Contest

**FantasyFreak03: **Sexy she-man contest! Who will win, Deidara or Neji? Let's find out!

**Crimson Shukumei: **Deidara ends his sentence with "un" in Japanese, but it translates to either "Yeah" or "Hmm" but I also read somewhere that it's slang for "Yeah" in Japanese. There you have it!

Deidara sat coolly, arms crossed on the stairs to the school. A fangirl ran up to him and screamed. "Oh my God it's Dei-Dei!" she squealed with joy.

'_I am such a sexy she-man, yeah'_ He thought. _'There is no she-man like me, yeah'_

Neji sat against a tree next to the school staring at the clouds.

"I've got to stop staring at the clouds or I'll turn into Shikumaru." he said with a grin as he leaned his head against the bark.

"Oh my God, Neji you're such a sexy she-man!" shouted a fangirl, jumping up and down.

"What?"

"He spoke to me! He spoke to me!" squealed the fangirl with joy as she fainted.

Neji shrugged his shoulders and began to walk away. _'People these days…'_

Deidara overheard this and over to Neji. "So, you think you're a sexy she-man, yeah?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about, yeah! I challenge you to a sexy she-man contest, yeah!" he shouted as he pointed at him.

Neji slapped his hand away. "Well, I can resist a good challenge. And besides, it was your fate to lose this battle."

"Shut up, Neji." Deidara said as he grabbed Neji's hand and pulled him away. "Come with me, yeah!"

The fangirl slowly rose to her feet. "Oww… My head…Wait is that Deidara holding Neji's hand? They look so cute together! Wait wasn't Neji dating Tenten and Deidara dating Sakura?" (A/N: And NO the author and co-author do _not_ support DeidaraXNeji.)

Deidara, still holding Neji's hand, lead him to behind a dumpster. "All right, first we need to make this interesting, yeah."

"Make it so." said Neji, completely uninterested.

"If I win, you have to kiss anyone who I open this year book to." said Deidara with a grin as he took out his school year book. (A/N: Yes, I know it sounds girly, but who cares? This whole story is basically making fun of every character.)

"And if I win it's vice versa?" asked Neji.

"Exactly, now pick my contestant…" Deidara said as he shoved the year book to him.

"Okay…" Neji said as he closed his eyes and opened the book. "Betty..."

"What?!" exclaimed Deidara. "You mean the emo-gothic Betty who has a crush on Sasuke, yeah?! The emo-gothic Betty who said that people with long hair are gay and I'm stupid because I'm blonde!? The emo-gothic Betty who wrote _'My life sucks but I live it anyway_' on the school bulletin board, yeah?! "

"Mhmm."

"No way! No way! Redo redo, yeah!"

"Fine, just _one_ more redo… Your new contestant will be… Haruno Sakura."

Deidara covered his mouth to hide his smile and gasped. "Please, another do-over! Don't make me! Pleeease, yeah!"

"Oh shut up, we all know you two are dating…"

"I know, yeah." Deidara said with a grin.

"Okay, give me that, yeah." Deidara said as he snatched the year book from Neji's hands. "You have to kiss…." He looked at the picture. "Hyuuga Hinata, yeah."

"No that's just wrong! She's my cousin! Come on you got a do-over, let me have one!" begged Neji.

"Ok, because I love to see you beg, yeah… And your new lover will be… Betty, yeah."

"That's almost as bad… Fine then, the first sexy she-man activity is to ask Ino to the movies."

"But she's Sakura's best friend, yeah!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Too bad." Neij said as he pushed him to Ino.

Ino was sitting on the steps, lost into the book she was reading, _Opposites in Love_ by Yamanaka Ino. She giggled. "Oh Sakura, how do you put up with it?"

"Hey Ino." said Deidara as he sat down next to her.

"What do you want?" She said as she closed her book and sighed.

He inched toward her. "I just wanted to know if you wanted to catch a movie or something after school."

"You bastard!" she yelled as he hit him across the face with her book. "You're going out with Sakura!"

Deidara held his hand against his head. "I'm in a contest, Ino."

"Well that still doesn't mean you have the right to ask another girl out!" she shouted as she kept hitting him with her book. (You go, Ino!)

"No! Ino stop!" said Deidara as he put his arms over his head.

"Get away from me you bastard!"

Deidara ran behind the dumpster where Neji sat against the dumpster, staring into blank space and collapsed to the ground.

"Neji, you idiot, yeah." Deidara said.

"Hmm…I guess you lost this round. Now it's my turn." He said as he walked towards Ino.

"Ino, is something wrong?" asked Neji as he sat down next to her.

"Yeah I guess so…" she said with a sigh.

"I saw Deidara walking away from here… Did something happen?"

"Yeah."

"Well can you tell me?" asked Neji with a smile.

"He asked me out and I know he's going out with Sakura! Do you think I should tell her?" Ino blurted out. _'Wait a second…why am I asking a guy, for advice?'_

"Well if I were in your situation I would tell Sakura. But then that would make her mad at Deidara, and from how you say this, you seemed to be worried so I would guess she cares about him a lot. So you shouldn't. Do want to do a double date? You find a date, and me and Tenten?"

"Uh… Sure! I know who to ask…" Ino said as she walked away.

Neji closed his eyes and sighed. "Oh I'm so good." Neji got up and walked over to Deidara. He kicked the side of his body. "Hey Deidara, I won this round."

Deidara lifted up his head scowled at him. "I hate you…so very, very much…"

"Round two." said Neji, ignoring Deidara. "Who's more evil?"

"Oh that will be easy." said Deidara as he slowly got up. "I'm in Akatsuki. How much more evil can I get?"

"We need a judge." said Neji. "And I know a person who's had experience with someone evil."

"No, I will not be the judge of your stupid she-man contest!" Sasuke yelled.

"Come on Sasuke, yeah!" shouted Deidara. "Please, yeah?"

"No! Not for anything!" shouted Sasuke.

"How about a cookie?" said Neji as he slowly took out a cookie from his back pocket.

_Neji what are you doing with cookies in your pocket, yeah…?_

"No, not even for a cookie."

"Two cookies?" said Neji, taking out another cookie.

"Hell yes!" shouted Sasuke as he grabbed the cookies out of Neji's hands.

"Well we are seeing who is more evil for this round." said Deidara.

"Yea…Last round Deidara got his ass kicked by Ino." laughed Neji. "And he even cried."

"I was not crying, you pansy! You cried when pudding broke his leg, yeah! Wait… He doesn't even have a leg, yeah!"

"Oh yea of course….He was crying." said Neji.

"Let's just get this over with. You idiots are wasting my entire wrist cutting time." Sasuke said as he motioned them over to the tree where Neji was originally sitting.

"Neji you go first I went first last time." said Deidara. "Fine…" said Neji was he walked over to a puppy. "Hey Hinata-sama!" he called.

"Y-yes Neji-nii-san?" said Hinata in her normal timid voice.

"Check this out!" he shouted as he kicked the puppy.

"N-Neji-nii-san! What d-do you think y-you are d-doing!"

Neji stuck up his middle finger and said, "Screw you, ass hole!" and walked back behind the tree, where Deidara and Sasuke were standing with their jaws dropped open.

"Can you get more evil than that?" laughed Neji. "My God this better be worth it because Hinata is going to get everyone to kick my ass. Why the hell is every so nice to her? _I'm_ the one who used to have brain damage! _I'm_ the one with no father or mother!"

"Yeah but she's cute and shy." confirmed Sasuke.

Neji gave him a death glare.

"Okay, it's your turn now, Deidara."

"Right, yeah…" Deidara said, walking into the school's kitchen. There was Kisame precariously perched over the fryer.

"Wow, it would sure suck if I fell in there!" Kisame laughed.

Deidara stared at him for a few seconds then pushed him into the fryer.

"Déjà vu!" Kisame said.

Deidara then walked out of the school and back to the tree.

"Dude… That was just evil… You pushed your own friend into the fryer!"

"Oh he's used to it, yeah."

Deidara then noticed Sakura walking by, talking quietly to Ino.

"Hey Sakura, want to go to the movies with me tonight, yeah?" Deidara called over to her.

"Uh, sure!" Sakura said.

"Pick you up at seven, yeah."

"Okay!" Sakura said.

"You see Neji, that's how a pro does it, yeah."

Neji scowled at him. When Deidara had his back turned, he took Sasuke's emo razor.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing!?" shouted Sasuke.

Neji laughed maniacally. "Just let me borrow it real quick." he laughed. Neji's eyes were widened and a smirk spread across his face.

Sasuke gasped. "Neji are you possessed?"

Neji ignored him. He took the razor and put it lightly up against Deidara's back. With the knife, he carved the words 'Neji was here' on his back.

Deidara let out a ear piercing shriek. "Neji what the hell did you just do to me, yeah?!"

"Nothing…" said Neji as he hastily handed to razor back to Sasuke.

Sasuke rejected it. "No way am I not taking a razor that has somebody else's blood on it! I only want my own blood! Good job Neji now I have to use this stupid backup razor until I get enough money to buy a new one!" Sasuke began to walk away. "Oh, and Deidara wins this round."

He took his backup razor out of his pants pocket and placed it against his wrist. He slid it across, but nothing happened. "Come on you stupid piece of crap _work_!" he shouted.

"What should the next round be, Deidara?" asked Neji.

Deidara looked at him sternly. "How about you get me a band-aid, yeah?!" he shouted.

"You'd need a really big band-aid for that…"

Out of no where came Itachi. "What are you guys doing?" he said in his normal cool voice.

"We are having a sexy she-man contest" said Neji.

"Why? No one can get sexier then me. Hey I'll be the judge…You both lose."

"Oh my God it's Itachi!" squealed a mob of fangirls.

"Sorry guys I have to go now…" he said as he ran away.

Deidara looked at Neji and smirked.

"Well we both lost, and you know what that means, yeah."

"No we don't! Itachi isn't the real judge! Besides, we got one more round!" Neji said.

"Well do you have an idea for the next round, yeah?"

Neji put his head down in self-pity. "No…." he said sadly.

"Well, let's get this over with…yeah" Deidara said in fake sorrow.

Oh what a happy ending! Neji ended up kissing emo-gothic Betty. Betty screamed and slapped him in the face.

Anyway, Deidara had to kiss Sakura, but there is nothing new there. ("Good things do happen to bad people, yeah!" Deidara said.)


	27. Betty vs Danielle

**FantasyFreak03: **Two girls fighting over Sasuke? That doesn't happen often…It's Betty vs. Danielle in the fight over Sasuke!

Danielle was quietly sitting at her desk, doodling a picture of Sasuke holding her hand. She quietly giggled as she ripped the picture out of her notebook and slipped it in her pocket.

Next to her desk was Betty, an obsessive emo, who watched Danielle, drawing the picture of her crush.

'_Damn bitch… I'll show her that she has not chance with Sasuke.' _Betty thought.

When the bell rang, everyone exited the classroom.

Danielle started to walk over to her locker but was stopped by Betty.

"So you think Sasuke would ever date you?"

"What?"

"I know you have a crush on Sasuke." She said. "Sasuke…" she mumbled as she took out a small razor and pressed it against her wrist and slid it across. (This happens every time she says his name.)

"What's your point?" asked Danielle.

"He's mine."

"Hello ladies!" Sasuke said.

"Sasuke is mine and only mine." said Betty. "Sasuke…" she mumbled as she cut her wrist again.

"Hello?" asked Sasuke.

"Don't be so selfish." said Danielle. "You're not even dating. And even if you were, well, you wouldn't be. He wouldn't want to go out with you. He's too hot for you."

"Ladies, ladies." said Sasuke, putting his arms around each of the girls. "There is enough Sasuke to go around for every one."

"I challenge you," shouted Betty, ignoring Sasuke. "to a duel after classes today. Meet me at the flag pole."

"I look forward to kicking your ass." said Danielle as she walked away.

_During our "youthful" classes…_

Neji folded a piece of paper into an air plane. "Please don't get stuck in anyone's eye…" he whispered to himself. He threw it to Tenten, and it landed on her desk.

Tenten opened the letter. It read:

_Dear Tenten,_

_Betty is getting her ass kicked by Danielle after school. Do you want to come watch with me? _

_Tell everyone to go to the flag pole when class gets out. I hear they're fighting over Sasuke…Well you don't see that very often. Maybe someone will hurt Sasuke… I hope that really happens._

_Sincerely, Neji_

Tenten looked behind her, there was Neji, looking for a reaction from the letter. She smiled nodded her head yes.

"Can anyone tell me the circumference of a moose?" asked the teacher.

At the same time this question was asked, Neji had thrown his arms in the air and shouted, "Yes!"

Ok Mr. Hyuuga, tell us."

Neji stared at her blankly. "Uh…Purple? Wait what was the question again?" 

The bell rang and the laughing kids exited the classroom.

Neji walked out of the classroom as quickly as he could.

He didn't look where he was going and bumped into Deidara.

"What do you want little one, yeah??" laughed Deidara.

Neji scowled at him. "Nothing blondey."

Deidara scowled back at him. "It's not like brunette is any better, yeah."

"What?"

"Brunette's suck, yeah!" he laughed.

Neji took his hair band and ripped it out. He slowly brushed back his smooth brown hair.

"Oh you can't say that this isn't sexy!"

"That would sound really gay if I did. And watch this, yeah." said Deidara as he took his hair band out, letting his blonde hair fall below his shoulder blades. "What about this? This is way sexier, yeah."

Tenten and Sakura stared at the two boys with their jaws dropped as they let their hair out of a pony tail.

"Oh my God…" Sakura said.

Tenten's face turned a light shade of pink. "He should keep it like that…" she giggled.

_And that's where Neji got his time skip hair style._

"Well Neji, are we going to have to have another contest?" laughed Deidara.

Neji stared at him wide eyed. "No!" he shouted.

"Afraid you're going to get beat, yeah?"

"No, and are you going to see Betty get her ass kicked by Danielle?" asked Neji.

"Where the violence goes, is where the Akatsuki goes, yeah."

_Meanwhile…_

Sasuke was in the boy's bathroom, styling his hair. "Well if I have to be fought over, I'd rather be fought over looking good." he said to himself.

"Hey little brother."

Sasuke was startled and jumped. He looked behind him to see Itachi. "What do you want Itachi?"

"Well, I hear you're getting fought over after school." confirmed Itachi.

"Jealous much?" laughed Sasuke.

"Girls fight over me every day."

"…Bastard."

Itachi grabbed Sasuke's hair gel and looked at the label. The label read: '_Hair Gel For Cats'_ He shook his head in disappointment. "Well little brother," he sighed. "If you want to look good, you can't use crap like this."

"What do you mean? This was the most expensive stuff in the store!" exclaimed Sasuke.

"What store did you go to?"

"Petco…"

"Petco? Why the hell would you go to Petco for hair products?"

Sasuke shrunk into a corner. "I t-thought there m-might be good b-brands there…" stuttered Sasuke.

Itachi calmed down and sighed. "Let me do your hair."

Sasuke covered his hair with his arms. "And why should I trust you?!"

"Because I'm your big brother, and that's what big brothers do?"

"Well…okay then…"

_One hour later…_

"Oww!" yelled Sasuke and he started to shake his head. "That hurts!"

"Hold still I'm almost done!" Itachi shouted back.

"Can I see it now?" asked Sasuke.

"No, not until I'm done. Which will be right…now!" said Itachi as he pushed Sasuke in front of a mirror.

Sasuke screamed in terror.

"Isn't it great?"

"What the hell did you do to my head!" shouted Sasuke.

"I fixed it."

Sasuke's hair was put into two black pig-tail braids, with many assortments of colorful bows. In the back of his head, Itachi shaved in the words '_Itachi was here'_

"What the hell was the back for?!"

"Well I was here wasn't I?" Itachi said.

"Just shut up and fix it as it was before!" demanded Sasuke.

When the school bell rang and all of the kids poured into the halls.

"Sorry lil' bro I'm going to watch the girls fight. Have fun!" he said as he exited the bathroom.

"My God I hate you!" shouted Sasuke. He tried to fix his hair as best as he could and then ran out of the bathroom.

Sasuke took out his new razor. _(Yes, he got a new one for his birthday.) _He lightly pressed the newly sharpened razor against his wrist and slowly slid it across. "I hurt myself to feel alive…" Sasuke quietly said to himself as he repeated the method and began to walk down the hallway.

_Later at the flag pole…_

Danielle was all ready to fight with her Tifa outfit on.

"You go Danielle!" yelled all of Danielle's friends.

Betty was ready with her good luck emo razor handy.

"Go Betty…" said some of her friends with no emotion. "We love you Betty…Rah…"

"You ready to fight Betty?" asked Danielle with her arms crossed.

"Sure…" she sighed.

"Don't start without me!" shouted Sasuke as he ran over to the flag pole. "Ok…start now…" he said, completely out of breath.

"I'll let you go first Betty…" said Danielle. "You'll need it."

"Fine then…" said Betty as she took her emo razor out of her pocket and flung it at Danielle. Danielle quickly moved out of its path.

"Is that the best you got?" laughed Danielle. Danielle motioned her hands various formations. "Bahumut!"

A purple vortex appeared in the sky. Out of the vortex emerged a silver dragon.

"What the hell this isn't Final Fantasy!" Sakura yelled.

"Well that sucks for you…" said Danielle. "Bahumut, attack!"

The dragon's silver scales gleamed in the sun light as it swooped down to Betty. It opened his mouth and devoured Betty.

Sasuke stared at the dragon with wide eyes. "What a pleasant day at school…" he said as he licked the blood from his wrist.


End file.
